May 2004 Archives

Oops, I made like Britney and… I did it again.

In my enthusiasm to distribute some link-loving I not only managed to royally screw up the template first (thank you web-goddess Emily for saving the day!), but then I also inadvertently gave Pylorns a new domain name.

(I’m too scared to go and see what it is… it looks potentially naughty.)

Sorry "Piehorns!" I fixed it.

See what happens when you unleash a “Disleksick” onto the World Wide Web?

Okay, after staring at my new blog (WHOOOOOOOOOO! Please forgive the ongoing uncontrollable outbursts... and brace yourselves, for they are probably going to continue for the next year) for two whole days straight now, I’ve become quite cock-eyed.

I've also developed this inexplicable but painful knot at the back of my neck (blogger-neck?) so with the neck already being a goner, I know I’d run the risk of wreaking even further ergonomical havoc on my remaining body parts if I pull another all-nighter.

But before I try to pry the keyboard and mouse from my numbing fingers…

And gawking at the gorgeousness of this blog.

I want to eat it, it’s so yummy and orangey and bubbly what with the retro dots and all.

Joelle, THANK YOU again! And Emily! And Christine – who got hitched today, hooray! And Bob! And Eve! And Joz! And Lomara! And the people who keep on reading and commenting! (I have genuine READERS?!?)

You guys have all been so kind and wonderful and supportive of me. I'm already starting to get all misty eyed at the prospect of having a measly 364 days left. At the same time I'm not even used to the idea of this yet! Don’t worry: it will probably hit me on Day 365. I’ve always been a bit slow on the uptake like that.

The boy sure is happy, because apart from me letting out the occasional delayed shriek of joy and disbelief (“Sweetie, sweetie! Come loooooooooooook! I have another comment!” Followed by hysterical but joyous laughter), all is much quieter than usual here at the abode.

Oh, except, the boy has started to address me as: “Your Royal Blogness.” Personally I think it should be “Your Royal Bloggerness,” but I’m still too happy to dispute him just yet, so I’ll let it slide for now.

I certainly FEEL like Bloggerati royalty, with the way I'm being spoiled rotten like this...

In case you haven’t yet managed to derive it from this blog’s title, I’m a redhead.

But I’m not all peaches and cream and cuteness like fellow red Emily. Oooooh, no. Not me. Pasty, yes. Glow-in-the-dark white, yes. And not in that Nicole Kidman translucent way either, make no mistake. My pallor is more… well… corpse-like.

Attractive, ‘eh?

Because it's almost 7pm (EDT) and I have not eaten a SINGLE morsel yet!!!! Well, unless you count those few unfortunate bites of coffee grinds of earlier today, when I was even more delirious than I am now. (And now I'm HUNGRY too, complete with the shakes 'n stuff.)

Trust me, this no eating for a day executed by ME? It's remarkable, which is why I'm so completely and utterly happy about it. Also because I'm an African Ephelant... yes, one with Dyslexia.

(Yes, I know, I know... starving yerself is completely taboo and un-PC, and I would never endorse it.*)

So, I've come to the conclusion that winning this blog is finally going to make me thin!!!!! And here I naively thought that it couldn't possibly get any better than this! Whooo!

* Now that I have REAL READERS I have to be careful about what I endorse/comdemn. I don't want to get too cocky and be replaced by the runners-up, like in beauty pageants and stuff, 'cause I really dig the design and the other prizes and all of the attention.

Wow...

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Okay, I know this is a bit of a delayed reaction, but I've been so busy fawning over the stunning design of this blog and secretly terrified that my drivel will never live up to this honour!

And well, I've never been good at this whole multi-tasking business. Most recent case in point: saw that I had won(!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - part of ongoing delayed reaction, sorry) and then, after removing my jaw from the floor, decided to make coffee.

No big deal, right?

Wrong, because when I made coffee, in my frenzied shock and excitement I FORGOT TO ADD THE WATER!!!!

Bodes well for the rest of my day, 'eh?

Anyway,

Congratulations, Redsaid! You are the winner of the Win a Blog contest! This is what you get:

  1. One year domain registration of redsaid.net from me.
  2. One year hosting from Christine of Blogomania.
  3. A MediumMoxie design package by Joelle from BlogMoxie. Plus she added in a couple of extra scripts just for kicks.
  4. Additional custom script programming from Bob.
  5. A large Spiderman gift pack and lots of other movie related goodies from Eve.
  6. $15 Amazon.com gift certificate from Joz.
  7. A $25 Amazon.com gift certificate from Lomara.

Eight Reasons...

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...and a Few Footnotes on Why I should win the blog.

1. I am a gainfully* unemployed 29-year old in need of something to do. Well, okay, something that I can actually put on my résumé, then! Imagine how good this will look (I can see it now… read on and you will too!):

My Résumé:

February 1993 – December 1995: Journalism student with no intentions of ever really becoming a frazzled, overworked and underpaid reporter. But journalism as a major seemed awfully Hemingwayesque at the time of my enrollment. I figured having the diploma would automatically make me a writer. (I was wrong.)

February – December 1995: Despite my good intentions, I found myself in an internship. As a frazzled, overworked and underpaid reporter.

January 1996 – November 1996: Still frazzled, overworked and underpaid. As a reporter.

November1996 – Current: Fled my native country on the Dark Continent for the dazzling lights of these United States, with the proof of my esteemed authorship (above-mentioned diploma and some dog-eared newspaper clippings with my name on it) in a suitcase otherwise filled with dreams and ill-fitting clothing that I thought would be at least fit for Civilization. (I was wrong.)

The next few years would be spent corrupting the youth of America (a la Mary Poppins on caffeine); as the Worst Waitress Ever; as a freelance, but still frazzled, reporter; inadvertently overstaying my visa and thus becoming an accidental and outlawed (“illegal” is SUCH a harsh word, no?) immigrant. Not to worry though! By reading this or awarding me the blog (please?) you are NOT aiding, abetting or even merely harboring an alien! Because I’ve since redeemed myself by filing for a change of status (under Section 245(i)’s LIFE legislation… yet I still have no LIFE) and therefore, I’m not quite as outlawed as I was before. Now I’m merely stuck in immigration limbo for an undetermined amount of time.

Now imagine adding THIS, dear reader:

May 2004 - ?: Still unwaged (so much better than “unemployed,” no?), but self esteem and writing showed dramatic increase and promise when I won a blog, courtesy of lovely, charming, handsome/beautiful and clever judges** and the gorgeous Emily*** and a host of other super generous sponsors.****

See, thanks to that last paragraph, my résumé now absolutely sparkles, don’t you think?

2. I have to win this blog, because I have no skills.

3. Did I mention that I’m really, really, REALLY far from home?*****
4. But I do LOVE the United States!

5. I promise that, should I win, I’ll never use the asterisk again!******

6. I have an accent! And you Americans do dig accents… don’t you? Okay then, if not, I can also “todally draaaaaaawl, y’aaaawll.”

7. You Americans not only accepted the likes of me inside your borders, but you have also been kind enough to drop the “u” from written words like colour, odour, harbour, etc. This means that my typing speed in the States has increased by a staggering ten words per minute! Wouldn’t it be a shame to waste such a newfound talent on something other than a freshly won blog?

8. I have really big boobs! (Except if you’re a Girl Judge: then I’m despicably ugly with no boobs!)

It is a nearly impossible task to have to pick merely one embarrassing moment when one has such an infinite array to cringe… I mean… choose from.

I’m usually not very good at sticking with things, like exercise, a career, or any other potentially self-improving habits. But there is one thing which I’ve managed to do almost daily, without fail, in my nearly three decades here on Mother Earth: I’ve embarrassed myself. In major, wince-inducing ways.

Whistling with Wolves

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Topic 1. "How To..."

I’m a real fan of “how to” books and articles. This is because I’ve no real skills or talents of my own but plenty of hope (read: wishful thinking) to learn something kick-ass that would be useful or, if entirely useless, then just astoundingly impressive.

Unfortunately this hope usually wears off very rapidly when I discover that the sheer act of buying the book or magazine isn’t enough. Not only do you actually have to read the publication, but you also have to comprehend and follow instructions and actually make some sort of effort which usually requires some form of physical activity… no matter how slight or strenuous.



















about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

online


comments
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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