Eight Reasons...

...and a Few Footnotes on Why I should win the blog.

1. I am a gainfully* unemployed 29-year old in need of something to do. Well, okay, something that I can actually put on my résumé, then! Imagine how good this will look (I can see it now… read on and you will too!):

My Résumé:

February 1993 – December 1995: Journalism student with no intentions of ever really becoming a frazzled, overworked and underpaid reporter. But journalism as a major seemed awfully Hemingwayesque at the time of my enrollment. I figured having the diploma would automatically make me a writer. (I was wrong.)

February – December 1995: Despite my good intentions, I found myself in an internship. As a frazzled, overworked and underpaid reporter.

January 1996 – November 1996: Still frazzled, overworked and underpaid. As a reporter.

November1996 – Current: Fled my native country on the Dark Continent for the dazzling lights of these United States, with the proof of my esteemed authorship (above-mentioned diploma and some dog-eared newspaper clippings with my name on it) in a suitcase otherwise filled with dreams and ill-fitting clothing that I thought would be at least fit for Civilization. (I was wrong.)

The next few years would be spent corrupting the youth of America (a la Mary Poppins on caffeine); as the Worst Waitress Ever; as a freelance, but still frazzled, reporter; inadvertently overstaying my visa and thus becoming an accidental and outlawed (“illegal” is SUCH a harsh word, no?) immigrant. Not to worry though! By reading this or awarding me the blog (please?) you are NOT aiding, abetting or even merely harboring an alien! Because I’ve since redeemed myself by filing for a change of status (under Section 245(i)’s LIFE legislation… yet I still have no LIFE) and therefore, I’m not quite as outlawed as I was before. Now I’m merely stuck in immigration limbo for an undetermined amount of time.

Now imagine adding THIS, dear reader:

May 2004 - ?: Still unwaged (so much better than “unemployed,” no?), but self esteem and writing showed dramatic increase and promise when I won a blog, courtesy of lovely, charming, handsome/beautiful and clever judges** and the gorgeous Emily*** and a host of other super generous sponsors.****

See, thanks to that last paragraph, my résumé now absolutely sparkles, don’t you think?

2. I have to win this blog, because I have no skills.

3. Did I mention that I’m really, really, REALLY far from home?*****
4. But I do LOVE the United States!

5. I promise that, should I win, I’ll never use the asterisk again!******

6. I have an accent! And you Americans do dig accents… don’t you? Okay then, if not, I can also “todally draaaaaaawl, y’aaaawll.”

7. You Americans not only accepted the likes of me inside your borders, but you have also been kind enough to drop the “u” from written words like colour, odour, harbour, etc. This means that my typing speed in the States has increased by a staggering ten words per minute! Wouldn’t it be a shame to waste such a newfound talent on something other than a freshly won blog?

8. I have really big boobs! (Except if you’re a Girl Judge: then I’m despicably ugly with no boobs!)