Strange New Species?

| | Comments (13)

Okay, after staring at my new blog (WHOOOOOOOOOO! Please forgive the ongoing uncontrollable outbursts... and brace yourselves, for they are probably going to continue for the next year) for two whole days straight now, I’ve become quite cock-eyed.

I've also developed this inexplicable but painful knot at the back of my neck (blogger-neck?) so with the neck already being a goner, I know I’d run the risk of wreaking even further ergonomical havoc on my remaining body parts if I pull another all-nighter.

But before I try to pry the keyboard and mouse from my numbing fingers…

I feel quite the fool. Well, more so than usual then! But please keep my above-mentioned sorry physical (and mental) state in mind when you read this!

Earlier, Sassy Sarah left a comment (well, several actually! Thanks girl, I feel the love) after one of my entries and she is probably still rather puzzled at my weird response.

Let’s just say I misread her “turkey basters." Through my squint, tired eyes, it looked like … um… well, it looked an awful lot like “turkey bastards.”

The boy immediately saw my mishap when he read the entry and comments.

Hey, when you’re done laughing, consider this: at least I managed to get ONE of the words right! Plus I was laughing so hard at her response (or my version of her response then) that I could hardly breathe. And besides, admit it, the two words do kind of look and sound a teeny bit alike, don’t they?

But wait, there’s more… I then proceeded to ask her to describe said “Turkey BASTARDS.” Yes, even used all caps like that. See, I thought that, if it exists, it might be a type of poultry that they (Sarah and Emily and goodness knows who else) only breed down there in the Texas vicinity…

Oh, stop, will you? Besides, Eengleesh ees me second language. But at times like these it feels like a fourth or even a tenth language!

Anyway, Miss Sarah never did give me a detailed description of the so-called Turkey Bastard. So… what do you guys envision when you hear “Turkey Bastard?”

A new delicacy befitting a Thanksgiving feast? An alternative menu item for the Vegetarians among us who are getting tired of chewing on Tofurkey?

And please, be detailed and descriptive!

13 Comments

Helen said:

This site looks mighty nice-and I had a great laugh at this post, proof-in my stupid opinion-that you were indeed chosen as the winner wisely.

We will be sending you your Bloggers Anonymous membership card shortly. This blog stuff? More addicting than crack.

mice said:

Please do get some sleep though. We don't want this whole affair to get scary. Sleep deprivation is not a good thing.

He says as he comments on a blog at 5 in the morning.

Yeah, I'm cool.

*cough*

pylorns said:

good lord, up at 3am to post.. you are addicted.

Benjamin said:

Meleagris bastardus, Turkey Bastard

Although appearing identical to the domestic turkey the bastardus has notable differences in behaviour. The gobble for instance has a distinctive surly tone. In its youth the bastardus is known to peck other immature turkeys until they hand over their lunch money. Although the bastardus cannot fly it will often mock other turkeys for their inabilty to do so. At maturity the bastardus is noted for often ordering around other turkeys and then blaming them when things go awry. Range: Ubiquitous worldwide.

Congratulations on winning. I look forward to reading your posts.

emily said:

Yeah, I noticed that when I read the comments, but I didn't wanna be an asshole and point it out. Obviously the Boy has no issues with that, huh? ;)

turkey BASTARD: The male of the turkey species. Specifically the one who does't call the morning after he fucks you and all your girlfriends and eats all the turkey feed.

Britt said:

As if the entry didn't have me cracking up enough, Emily's comment sent me over the edge. How hilarious. She's such a witty one. As are you, of course. I can't even begin to describe what a turkey bastard is, because Emily made me lose my composure.

Donna said:

Congrats on the new blog! It looks great and I really enjoy reading your posts.

Maggie said:

It if helps, I'm reading from the top down, so I hadn't seen the original post yet & where you had typed "turkey basters" I also read "turkey bastards"...

(goddamn turkeys...)

Sarah said:

Turkey bastards are the birds who were conceived outside of a legalised marriage. Turkey basters are what you fuck monkeys with.

Re: back and neck pain.... As weird as it sounds, get yourself a tennis ball, throw it on the ground, and roll around on it, putting the ball where the knots are. It works quite well. (Trick I learned in massage school, when they informed us that no one would ever give us rubbins anymore. I didn't believe. Now I own stock in tennis balls.)

If you have a boyfriend, do this naked and you will get laid.

(as if it's not obvious from my domain name) I'm a language dork. If "eengleesh ees your second langooudge," what's your first?

Cherryflava said:

Hi Red.

Love the new site. Very fancy I must say. Will be back soon.

Cheers.

lucky said:

hey, i've been reading since you won and just now got a chance to jump in...

congratulations, keep up the good work and good luck with your blog!



















about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • pylorns : http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=turkey+bastard&f=1 someone can submit a definition.... [go]
  • lucky : hey, i've been reading since you won and just now got a chance to jump in... congratulations, keep ... [go]
  • Cherryflava : Hi Red. Love the new site. Very fancy I must say. Will be back soon. Cheers.... [go]
  • Cleveland Natalie : (as if it's not obvious from my domain name) I'm a language dork. If "eengleesh ees your second lan... [go]
  • Sarah : Turkey bastards are the birds who were conceived outside of a legalised marriage. Turkey basters ar... [go]
  • Maggie : It if helps, I'm reading from the top down, so I hadn't seen the original post yet & where you had t... [go]
  • Donna : Congrats on the new blog! It looks great and I really enjoy reading your posts.... [go]
  • Britt : As if the entry didn't have me cracking up enough, Emily's comment sent me over the edge. How hilar... [go]
  • emily : Yeah, I noticed that when I read the comments, but I didn't wanna be an asshole and point it out. O... [go]
  • Benjamin : Meleagris bastardus, Turkey Bastard Although appearing identical to the domestic turkey the bastard... [go]
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