Please make it stop!

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Oh, please tell me dear Americans: Do all the car dealers in this otherwise fabulous nation of yours insist on starring in their own and very amateurish television commercials?

Or is it just us Marylanders who are subjected to these 30-second bursts of audio and visual torture courtesy of this one local KIA dealership owner who insists on not only starring in, but also singing (loudly! And badly!) the jingles for his dealership’s television spots?

I hope it’s only here, because I really, really don’t wish it on anybody else…

I wish I was exaggerating a bit as usual, but alas, dear friends, I’m not.

You see, this torture has been going on for a few YEARS already.

I encountered my first Bud McHeehaw (the rather apropos nickname I came up with for him) KIA Dealership commercial when I first started my television-viewing career here in Maryland about three years ago.

I was happily watching something completely intellectually stimulating like The Bold & the Beautiful when this cowboy-clad guy suddenly appeared on the screen.

At first he was just standing there, in the middle of his car dealership, without doing or saying anything, but then he started wailing rather loudly. It took me about 15 seconds to figure out that he was trying to sing a modified version of Fly me to the Moon.

And I probably never would’ve figured out the song had it not been for the guy playing the banjo (yes, I’m not kidding). He jumped out behind a car and started accompanying Bud a few bars into the song.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get much worse, an imitation blonde in cut-off denim short-shorts with white high heel shoes and a flannel shirt that had been pulled up and tied in a knot to expose her midriff, materialized behind the same car that had brought us the banjo player a few seconds earlier, and started grinding her body to this entire cacophony.

Okay, she may not have been the classiest-looking broad I had ever seen, but you have to give her credit for finding some sort of rhythm in that horrifically violated standard and actually dancing to it.

At first I thought that it was just a really bad joke. That someone at the TV station had a relative who had managed to get his hands on a camera and used it to generate some footage to be viewed at the next family gathering.

But it was no joke.
You see, it turns out that Bud’s rather successful at his day job of selling cars, because he certainly had enough cash to buy frequent ad spots at all the local stations, thus “treating” Baltimore-area viewers to frequent showings of his horrific commercials.

And years and several trashy women background dancers/singers and trashed songs later, he is STILL at it, about ten times a day and during all of my essential “must-see” shows.

Needless to say, the mute button on the remote has now become my best friend.

18 Comments

emily said:

No, we have them here too... plus we have really awful furniture salesmen who jump around and wave money and cut up beds with chainsaws.

d said:

Let me put it to you this way.... my eight year old son HATES a man by the name of Bob Rohrman and told me that if I ever dared to buy a car from the "idiot" my son would NOT ride in it.

-d

Vanessa said:

It must be just americans, because over here we have car adds that have cars with tinted windows and cool music that plays and there's a voice over telling you how great the car is.

lomara said:

here in L.A. we have Cal Worthington. He's been selling cars for at least the last 40 years or more. His commercials didn't have him dancing, but he did sing the theme song which went in part "Go See Cal, Go See Cal, Go See Cal" which sounds more like PussyCow if you aren't familiar with him. (I'm sure if you google his name you'll find an mp3 of the tune, or maybe even a clip of one of his ads)

His shtick involved a cowby hat, a leisure suit, and "my dog spot" which was a different zoo animal each time. Not kidding. Sometimes a lion, rhino, pig, tiger, leopard, cow, etc. You name it, it was his dog Spot.

Stacy said:

No, hon, I think it's everywhere. When I lived in Florida, I noticed it, and up here in Michigan, home of the Big 3 automakers (once upon a time, anyway), they're on every goddamn channel. I think they're in a competetion to see who gets more annoying and who gets cheesier.

My favorite is around St. Patricks' day, though, the people that work at a local dealership dress up like leprechauns and they play the Irish jig song with a little midget voice-over singing to it, "Weeeee've got ... bargains and bargains and bargains and bargains and bargains and bargains and bargains and bargains ............... galooooooooooore!!"

kim said:

over here we actually have theses kinds of local-commercials (giving you goose-bumps because you feel so bad for the people on it making idiots out of themselves) only in the movie theatre. right after the "real" commercials and previews and before the ice-cream-break. so about the time everybody is sick of commercials anyways and just wants the movie to already start!

kellen said:

we have two guys who dress up in superman outfits. *snort* but you know what? you can't possibly know that pain that is bob of bob's discount furniture. if you're ever up new england way, you'll see him on tv, hear him on the radio, plugging his "barn burners" or "heart breakers" (stupid names for ridiculously priced trashy furniture) in that insane nasal voice of his. i've even seen him at the laundromat on the spanish channel with some poor spanish woman translating for him. oh so sad.

kellen said:

hee hee, i just found bob's website, no sounds, but you can definitely get the gist.

liz said:

I live in New England(Connecticut, actually)...and agree with Kellen. Bob is evil. It's horrible and what's really scary is that he's toned it down a lot. Someone needs to kick him off his cheap throne!

Alison said:

Yep, we've got bad car salesmen here too. I don't know why they think advertising like that is effective.

I live in Connecticut as well, and I know all too well the pain that is Bob's. "Come on Down!" Did you know that the blonde woman in the commercials is not his wife, but an actress that they actually paid? I always assumed she was his wife until a coworker who knows his cousin's barber or something told me. (I am embarassed to admit that I actually own furniture from Bob's, but that won't stop me from telling you!)

Les said:

Heh heh heh...we have one of those "guys" here in Las Vegas too. He mimics the Matrix mixed with Austin Powers and fights "evil doers" trying to stop people from buying his cars. I too have found the "mute" button and fast!! LOL.

the_lush said:

Nope it is a National phenomenon. Out here in Cali we have this great Nissan dealer that has his own half hour show to sell cars. It has aliens and disco balls.

lomara said:

there are car dealers here in L.A. that also do full 'infomercials', like Foothill Nissan and that one bodybuilder Van conversion guy. I can't remember his name, but he's obviously spent a lot of time in the tanning booth and getting his mullet styled.

christina said:

let's see...the first in the DFW area to come to mind is David McDavid, then there's that other Ford dealership's owner's wife and family that are annoying...Westway Ford and the guy with the $ sign glasses...head east and they get worse. I think the small local Dodge dealership's owner is the least annoying, he at least talks normal and doesn't sing!

Banana said:

Nope - we have those commercials here in NC. There is one dealership who uses an animated super hero character. The animators have given him a well-defined body including his package in the drawing. I think some people finally complained because he now looks like a Ken doll.

Sarah said:

"If you want a car or truck, go see Cal. If you need a blah blah go see Cal. If you blah blah blah, and your blah blah blah, go see Cal, go see Cal, go see Cal."

The preceeding is brought to you by any Southern California native. Any good SoCal native will also remind you that it sounds more like "pussycow" than "Go See Cal."

Sarah said:

And sometimes, I should read comments before commenting. Sorry about that. I was mesmorised by the pussycow.

Sarah said:

Oh, and in Houston, we've got some fucking idiot with a red phone that he calls the "Clobber Line" where people can call and get a quote on a car. Clobber Line? The fuck?

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comments
  • Sarah : Oh, and in Houston, we've got some fucking idiot with a red phone that he calls the "Clobber Line" w... [go]
  • Sarah : And sometimes, I should read comments before commenting. Sorry about that. I was mesmorised by the... [go]
  • Sarah : "If you want a car or truck, go see Cal. If you need a blah blah go see Cal. If you blah blah blah... [go]
  • Banana : Nope - we have those commercials here in NC. There is one dealership who uses an animated super her... [go]
  • christina : let's see...the first in the DFW area to come to mind is David McDavid, then there's that other Ford... [go]
  • lomara : there are car dealers here in L.A. that also do full 'infomercials', like Foothill Nissan and that o... [go]
  • the_lush : Nope it is a National phenomenon. Out here in Cali we have this great Nissan dealer that has his own... [go]
  • Les : Heh heh heh...we have one of those "guys" here in Las Vegas too. He mimics the Matrix mixed with Au... [go]
  • Alison : Yep, we've got bad car salesmen here too. I don't know why they think advertising like that is effec... [go]
  • liz : I live in New England(Connecticut, actually)...and agree with Kellen. Bob is evil. It's horrible an... [go]
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