Termination

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Dear R.C.A.

After receiving several previous warnings, it pains me to inform you that your employment here at B&RS Inc. has been terminated.

As you know, your position carries a lot of weight around here, and in recent months, it has come to our attention that you have been unable to execute your duties in a timely fashion.

Despite our efforts to lighten your workload by bringing in an assistant to support you and to even, on occasion, completely relieve you of some of your burdens, we were still unable to see any increase in your performance.

In fact, we’ve received word that, when addressed about these issues of concern by your supervisors, you were quick to respond with a slew of rather heated and severe temper tantrums. Some of the exact words and phrases used to describe your behaviour at that time included “seemingly spiteful,” “childish,” “obtuse,” and "unable to multitask," "inability to follow instructions," "downright disobedient," and lastly, “*&^%$#F!”

In parting I do want to acknowledge and thank you for the years of loyal service you did grace us with during the early years. During that time, you were always quick to greet us and customers with a friendly “hello” and you always seemed eager to fulfill your duties, often times working overtime without any complaints.

Over these past few problematic months we were really hoping that you would return to your former self, and that’s why we gave you more than the usual warnings and chances. But alas, now the time has come for us to invest in someone new.

No one has been appointed as your successor yet, but we have managed to narrow it down to a shortlist of suitable candidates. In fact, due to the ever-changing pace of technology and keeping in mind how it's becoming more sophisticated by the second, we are strongly considering phasing out your position altogether and acquiring someone who would be able to wear many hats at once.

In the mean time, we wish you luck for your future. Our on-staff psychologist has made a recommendation advising that you should seriously look into full-time retirement at this time.

Thank you again, R.C.A. DVD-Player.

Sincerely Yours,
Boy & RedSaid Inc. (aka B&RS Inc.)

7 Comments

Linda said:

Too many DVDs about Africa? Poor thing couldn't handle the pressure of your fast paced film phases.

Michelle said:

You are too funny! If I ever have to "let someone go" can I copy your letter to your DVD player?

Maggie said:

We've been trying to replace our RCA VCR. Good luck trying to buy a VCR these days! First of all, the salespeople look at you like you're some form of pond scum and wonder why they should waste their time on you. Secondly, for some strange reason, all the VCRs out there use identical components (seriously - identical LED/LCDs, identical remote controls, identical back panels), so it's not like you have any choice. There are only about 5 VCRs out there anyway, and none of them have any decent features (display of seconds, VCR plus, display of counter and current time simultaneously).

It's pathetic. The only reason we want a new one is because this one records poorly. Very poorly.

Why the hell doesn't Canada have TiVo yet????? Why are we the poor cousins? *sniff* So now we're looking into a DVD recorder with a built in hard drive. But we're thinking we may as well do the TiVo hack that's out there since we're such geeks.

Anyway. This doesn't help you at all. However, we have a Sony DVD player that's pretty darned good. I recommend Sony.

pylorns said:

i use my ps2 for my dvd player...

emily said:

I don't think I've ever owned anything by RCA. And I love Sony TVs, but I'll never buy another Sony DVD player ever again. I went through 3 of them in as many years.

Zinke said:

Time to toss the ol'RCA, ay? Good riddens! I replaced my Mom's RCA DVD player when I went back last month. My sister graduated and we took a ton of digital pictures. I spent over an hour writing them to a Photo CD. I walked out proudly to impress the family with the pictures we just took only to pop it in the DVD play and have it display "Unrecognized Disc!" I had the sudden urge to drop kick the dam thing! Then, I decided, "Screw it I'll buy her a new one!" I spent $40 bucks at the local Wal-Mart for a DVD player that does everything. Now, no worries! =)

mice said:

Kicked to the curb as they say.

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • mice : Kicked to the curb as they say.... [go]
  • Zinke : Time to toss the ol'RCA, ay? Good riddens! I replaced my Mom's RCA DVD player when I went back las... [go]
  • emily : I don't think I've ever owned anything by RCA. And I love Sony TVs, but I'll never buy another Sony... [go]
  • pylorns : i use my ps2 for my dvd player...... [go]
  • Maggie : We've been trying to replace our RCA VCR. Good luck trying to buy a VCR these days! First of all, th... [go]
  • Michelle : You are too funny! If I ever have to "let someone go" can I copy your letter to your DVD player?... [go]
  • Linda : Too many DVDs about Africa? Poor thing couldn't handle the pressure of your fast paced film phases.... [go]
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