Red, White and Blue

| | Comments (7)

Dear United States of America,

First off, and before I start hitting you up for favours... eh, favors (See, I sometimes even remember how you spell words which shaves about 10 wpm off my typing speed, so thank you for that): Happy Birthday to you-hooooo!

You are big and beautiful and your flag is very pretty. I also like that you have four time zones right here within your very own borders. It's downright impressive for places to have even two, but you have FOUR and that just... well, that just wows me.

I also like the people you manufacture over here. They are very friendly and attractive and I like the way they talk and roll their r's and how they say tomaydo instead of tomahto.

So, because I like you and your people so much and all, I'm wondering if you possibly have another Green Card to spare? For me?

I believe I will be a good candidate for a Green Card. You see, what I really want to do for a living is write (even though you'll never be able to tell from reading this) and since the words I write come from my own head (well, sometimes they don't come, but that's another story altogether and not something I need to trouble you with at the present time), it's not as if I'm likely to take a job away from one of your people. (Did I mention how pretty your female people are? And how handsome your males are? And how beautiful you are?)

I might not be as pretty as your people, but I'm a walking patriot because I have RED hair, BLUE eyes and I've such a pale complexion that people often remark how WHITE I am. And that's true. Since I'm a redhead, I AM very pale, therefore the summers of my native South Africa are much too harsh for my fragile complexion and so I'm bound to turn into a tomaydo (See? I can spell and draaaawl and everything) should you send me back there without the option to return, which is, once again, where the Green Card will come in really, really handy.

I'm not a bad person, honestly. I like to read and keep to myself a lot, so I won't be too much of a bother. But when I am out in public, I like to be pleasant and make people laugh. And they do, although I suspect that they're mostly laughing at me more than with me... but again, not something I need to trouble you with at the present time.

Let's see, what else can I tell you about myself?

Oh, yes! I know the words to the Star-Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful. But since I don't have a very nice voice, I lip-sync so as not to defame these perfect-pitch-worthy anthems. (Unless I'm in the shower where nobody can hear.)

Oh, and just in case this counts for something, I also happen to know that a Green Card isn't really green but pink. Which happens to be one of my favorite (see? I remembered about the spelling again!) colors (and again with the spelling! Even though I may not always be very quick on the uptake, I can assure you that I'm a very enthusiastic student!).

So, dear United States, I do hope that you deem me worthy enough of the honor (spelling, again!) of awarding me with a Green Card very, very soon. I have been waiting for such a long time already, and even though I AM very patient, all this waiting is making me sad.

Respectfully Yours,

Red (and White and Blue)

7 Comments

Beerslinger said:

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"


You've got my vote.

Actually, there are four different time zones and there used to be as many as 100! Or so I learned today in the NY Times. I posted about it on my site where I extracted the relevant bits so I'm not going to reproduce it all here and clog your board.

Otherwise, my very best wishes of good luck in your green card quest.

mice said:

Actually 5 in the continental US. Arizona and part of Indiana doesn't do daylight savings time. BUT not counting the stubborn states just mentioned Canada has more. Becasue thye have AST which the US does not.

Ironically, Red ... I often find myself writing in "English English" with the extra "u" in words like "hono(u)r" and transposing the "r" and the "e" in words like "theatre." Also, I apologise instead of apologize sometimes.

Blame my education being so close to Canada. :)

Jeanne said:

Yes - please, please, pretty please, oh Land of the Free, give the lady a Green Card. She will make a fabulous citizen I'm sure. And she's waited long enough, hasn't she??

(And if she gets a green card she can go home for a visit and have a braai with real boerewors and Castle Lager ;-))

Helen said:

Sorry for being late to this party, but I will sacrifice a virgin for you to get a green card, if you can sacrifice one for me to get my visa renewed next March, ok? I think that's fair.

Lessa said:

Catching up after a major computer death and ressurection - and you DID add in Alaska and Hawaii time zones, did you not? we both have our own, after all. *grin* Alaska Standard and Hawaii Standard I believe.

We be special like that.

Leave a comment




















about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

online


comments
  • Lessa : Catching up after a major computer death and ressurection - and you DID add in Alaska and Hawaii tim... [go]
  • Helen : Sorry for being late to this party, but I will sacrifice a virgin for you to get a green card, if yo... [go]
  • Jeanne : Yes - please, please, pretty please, oh Land of the Free, give the lady a Green Card. She will make... [go]
  • the motor city bad kitty : Ironically, Red ... I often find myself writing in "English English" with the extra "u" in words lik... [go]
  • mice : Actually 5 in the continental US. Arizona and part of Indiana doesn't do daylight savings time. BUT ... [go]
  • Random Penseur : Actually, there are four different time zones and there used to be as many as 100! Or so I learned ... [go]
  • Beerslinger : "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refus... [go]
top commenters
archives
archive by category

links
credits
winner of
I won this blog!

winner of best writing
sablog2005-winnerbut.gif

retro dots skin designed with care by


liberty belle skin designed with care by


hosted with love by
Blogomania

script assistance by
scriptygoddess
MT Blacklist


one reader and counting... by




Locations of visitors to this page
with these rings, I thee join


Blog Baltimore




Next
Random
List
Join



South Africa's Top Sites
South African Blog Top Sites

I shmaak SA Blogs, sorted with Amatomu.com

Afrigator

Geolocalisation des internautes

Copyright belongs to the author (ha ha! She called herself an author!) of this website.