How much is 38 in dog years?

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I've never told you guys, but every weekend night after we perform our play, another one act is performed at the same threatre.

Their cast is quite unique, since one of the members has four legs, two ears and a perpetually wagging tail. Yep, it's a dog. But not just any dog! Since the play is about blindness, she is a genuine seeing eye dog.

Her master has kindly loaned her services to the production, and needless to say, that sweet black lab is the star of the show.

It's a highlight of our week to go to the theatre and to see Libby. Her owner, Mike, is extremely nice for allowing us to give her treats and to pet her to our heart's content.

Today is Mike's birthday, so I sent Libby the following e-mail (since his e-mail address is her name):

Dear Libby,

Hello! I'm not sure if you'll recognize me purely by my name on this e-mail (you dogs normally don't care for things like that after all, if I'm not mistaken. Unless it's names like "C-O-O-K-I-E", "F-O-O-D", or "V-E-T", right?). Unfortunately I can't describe my smell very well either, for I don't know whether Issey Miyake (the name of my perfume) will mean anything to a pup such as yourself, since it's not food, beverage, other-dog-smell, or even cat related.

Anyway, I'm that girl from the theatre who shrieks with delight whenever she sees you and then gives you a hug and a belly rub and scratch your ears. Oh, right. That's how everyone reacts when they see you at the theatre.

Mmmm. Let's see. Oh, okay! I know! I'm the girl who gave you water from the dixie cup that time when you were so thirsty, and then I got into trouble when you groaned during your scene on stage later on, because apparently those groans meant that you had to go to the bathroom quite urgently, and not, as I had intially thought, because you were worried about being separated from your master Mike.

So, Libby, now that we've hopefully established who I am: the reason for this e-mail to you is that I want you to please convey my sincere birthday wishes to your master on his 38th birthday! 38! That's a LOT in dog years!! He must be really used to birthdays by now since this is his 38th one? But whether he is or not, let's wish him a very happy birthday as if it's his very first one ever. Would you please tell him for me? And continue to look after him as well as you've been doing, alright? He's a good master to you as well, but that doesn't mean that I'm backing away from my plans to dognap you on our final night of performance in a week and a half. But we'll discuss that later.

Thank you in advance for relaying the message, Lib. Be a good girl and I can't wait to see you and your master Mike on Friday, when I'll be able to wish him happy birthday in person.

Good dog!

Love,
Red

6 Comments

kim said:

yeah, that is really, really cute.

and btw - i absolutely LOVE issey miyake (although i think the men's stuff is even better than the women's and makes me totally wanna chew on my man more than i usually want to anyways ;o))

Dishy said:

"woof-woof, woof, pant, woof... I have no idea what that translates to. Could you pass it on to Libby?

martha said:

so so sweet... i'm sure he'll love it.

Dishy said:

Happy 266th birthday Mike from my hounds in Bots

Zinke said:

38 yrs translates to 164 Dog years!

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Zinke : 38 yrs translates to 164 Dog years!... [go]
  • Dishy : Happy 266th birthday Mike from my hounds in Bots... [go]
  • martha : so so sweet... i'm sure he'll love it.... [go]
  • Dishy : "woof-woof, woof, pant, woof... I have no idea what that translates to. Could you pass it on to Libb... [go]
  • kim : yeah, that is really, really cute. and btw - i absolutely LOVE issey miyake (although i think the m... [go]
  • Cleveland Natalie : That's CUTE!... [go]
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