Red-rospective

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So, this is what the other side of thirty looks like.

Yes, it's been one week and thirty years to the very day since my spirited mom coughed me out in a convent in rural South Africa.

I was completely inconsiderate and arrived two weeks early. (That must be the reason why I'm always so tired!)

I've since made up for my inconsideration and now make a point of always being late the last one to show up anywhere.

My mom was suffering from bronchitis at the time, so she really did cough me out.

And let me tell you, that was no small accomplishment on her part, since I had (and still have... in fact, it was this size when I was born) an enormous and very round head with a shock of red hair standing straight up.

Even though I've been blessed with quite a memory (especially when it comes to minor details and utterly useless information), I can't recall much about that momentous occasion.

I'm convinced though that I remember a blurring, blinding flash and being tossed about and then caught by a couple of nuns and a Jewish doctor.

So here I am. Thirty years and one week later, still with the enormous head (now "complimented" with a matching, enormous body) and the hair is still mostly red.

My hairdresser tells me that my wish from when I was six years old and yearned to have blond hair like Goldie Locks is finally coming true though, because, in addition to my red, I now apparently have millions of grey a few blond stripes at the back of my head.

By the way, I personally always thought that Goldie Locks should be portrayed by a redhead like me. My first grade teacher disagreed, and awarded the much coveted title role in the production of Goldie Locks and the Three Bears to the pretty girl with the bouncy blond ringlets and the big and beautiful blue eyes. I was crushed, and also very hot and bothered... That bear suit was very stuffy.

Anyway, as usual I digress.

What I'm trying to say is that I always thought I'd somehow look and be different by the time I'm thirty.

Like, you know, much thinner? With cheekbones. (But really, at this stage I'd take any bones. It doesn't even have to be located in a place prominently displayed to the viewing public. Although, if I did have ribs showing, you can be sure that I'd start wearing ribcage-baring tops that would make even Britney Spears look demure. Or if I had a bony behind...)

So yes. I thought for sure I'd be bonier by now.

And brighter. I always thought I'd finally be clever by now.

But no. Even though I'm definitely old(er!), I'm afraid I'm still none the wiser, the prettier, the skinnier, or even... alas... the wealthier.

Now that I've come to all these conclusions, I've also realized that there is at least one thing I possess far more abundantly than ever before (And no... NOT my body mass index. Okay, then... not just my body mass index... grrrr...):

Depression.

5 Comments

MJ said:

Hi!
I just found your blog through the Showcase and I like what I see. I'll be back!
MJ

kim said:

hun, i really can't tell if you're being serious or funny. i mean, your writing's always funny and great but i'm shocked that it might even be funny when you're telling us that you're not doing very good.. are.you.not?

anyhow - i think everybody can use a hug at any time - so here you go *biggermanhug* ;o)

martha said:

i hope that it's a mild depression - like one that can be gotten out of by eating marmite (or vegemite) sandwiches or chocolate or something...

i hope it's not a medication needing depression - though if it is, i highly reccommend medications - I resisted for a long time and things are so much better with a bit more stability of moods...

Dariana said:

(((((((((((((Huggz)))))))))))

shaunacat said:

Okay - I don't see a picture of you on the site, do you have one? You sound pretty to me!!

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about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • shaunacat : Okay - I don't see a picture of you on the site, do you have one? You sound pretty to me!!... [go]
  • Dariana : (((((((((((((Huggz)))))))))))... [go]
  • martha : i hope that it's a mild depression - like one that can be gotten out of by eating marmite (or vegemi... [go]
  • kim : hun, i really can't tell if you're being serious or funny. i mean, your writing's always funny and g... [go]
  • MJ : Hi! I just found your blog through the Showcase and I like what I see. I'll be back! MJ... [go]
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