October 2004 Archives

Pumpkin Time!

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Aaah, yes pumpkins.

It's that time of year again.

That time of year when I can move freely and virtually invisibly outside, my large orangey-reddish head sufficiently blending in with the fall foliage and the carved pumpkins.

Also, thanks to her foresight, I didn't even need a special Halloween blog skin for the occasion with this orangey goodness that she designed for me back in May. Thanks, Joelle! I still think you're a genius.

After a weird weather week (ooh, look! Alliteration!) during which Baltimore was shrouded in fog (how Edgar A. Poe-esque!) and the moon was eclipsed, leaving the neighbourhood dogs confused ("Do we howl? Do we bark? Growl?"), and the cats clawing the furniture (oh, right. They always do that), the sun decided to reappear with glorious warmth and force, leaving us with a very beautiful and very unscary day.

(Unscary. Is that even a word?)

I'm soo delirious and high from all the alcohol and Halloween candy, this beautiful spell of weather (pardon the attempt at a Halloweenish pun) feels positively tropical to my warm-weather starved South African system. I'm so happy about the weather, that I'm going to postpone the ritual I reserve for this time of year, this time when the clocks in almost every United State move back one hour, depriving me of an hour of daylight and leaving me no choice but to gnaw my wrists off in a fit of sunlight deprived depression. (Yeah, yeah, don't tell me that this allows the sun to come up an hour earlier. I'm not a morning person, OR a farmer, OR a school kid, so that morning sun is wasted on the likes of me.)

But like I said, the gnawing will commence tomorrow. For now, happy delirium abounds.

So drunk and delirious am I, in fact, that while scouring the news on the internet this morning, my "disleksickness" kicked into high gear yet again and a headline about the election, just like the weather, took an unexpected tropical turn and I read the following:

"Dreadlocked Bush and Kerry Hit Swing States Hard."

Oh, man... can you IMAGINE? How I wish I was prolific in Photoshop!

Update: Luckily for all of us, the boy happens to be very Photoshop savvy, so here, for your pre-election viewing pleasure (cue the reggae tunes):

I’ve been reminiscing a lot lately about the small South African community where I grew up. I would call the place a "town", but that would be pushing it. And surely you should know by now that I’m definitely not the type to exaggerate, EVER…

Seriously though, the town is so small that you would miss the entire district if you dare to swerve for a chicken or any other forms of wildlife crossing your path.

It’s a place of many stories – not least of which is that it produced the likes of me – and I’ll tell you some of those tales one day.

For now though, you only need to know that it was mostly a farmer’s community, and that the majority of people lived miles from what remote civilization could be squeezed out of the two competing petrol stations, the three Afrikaans churches (the handful English families in the area gathered in someone’s house for their own weekly English language church services), the local supermarket, the elementary school and the convenience store.

People, we are all in grave danger.

That is the startling discovery I made when I paged through one of those Time/Life A - Z self-help medical books written in layman's terms especially for the general public, thus enabling us to diagnose ourselves with an alarming array of illnesses without any assistance from a doctor.

Who is a multi-millionaire?


He is!

Wedding Belle

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In honour of her wedding today, allow me a moment of shameless and mushy sentimentality to quote my current favourite love poem:

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams."

-- William Butler Yeats

Congratulations, Emily and KW!

Spam Explosion?

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While we're on the delightful subject of spam...

So in an attempt to raise Redsaid's readership amount from five to say, six maybe (I'm sooo fiercely ambitious, aren't I?), I jumped onto the latest trendy blogwagon and joined BlogExplosion.

For those of you who are still blissfully unaware of BlogExplosion and what it does, let me enlighten you.

Hey, Spambots!

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Quickly, over here: bob@y4569o.com

Got it? Good. Feel free to send him loads of his own medicine. I mean, really, after all, if you can't take it you shouldn't be dishing it out, now should you?

Is there a way to block this loser from spamming my site via his e-mail? If so, please tell me how? Because the bastard spams me daily, but from different IP addresses, so I end up having to blacklist all of them individually, and it takes up sooo much time. I know that she has the same problem, so all advice to us will be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Comment on the Comments

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So in the comments of one of my previous posts, hordes of you (okay, two... but that amount, sadly, makes up the majority of my readers) expressed concern (okay, so no, not concern exactly, but that has to do for now for lack of a better word. Yes, I know: I'm soooo eloquent!) that I've gotten... ha ha ha .... I can hardly write it because it's so funny...

Biggest Loser

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Before last night's premiere of NBC's new reality show about weight loss, titled "The Biggest Loser," (how original of them!) while they were in the home stretch of plugging it, Boy looked up from the book he was reading just in time to see and hear the last bit of the promo, delivered by that movie trailer voice-over guy with the raspy voice, saying something like this "... to find out just who will be the biggest loserrrrr."

Boy, looking puzzled and a bit amused at the same time: "How on earth are they going to determine who the biggest loser will be?"

Me: "...?"

Then it hit me! Having caught only the tail end of the promo and after not really paying attention, he thought that they meant biggest loser as in shape-your-thumb-and-forefinger-into-an-"L"-and-slap-it-against-your-forehead kind of loser.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can you imagine what the premise for that show will be?

Imagine movie trailer voice-over guy (who moonlights for NBC on the side) dramatically saying: "Viewerrrrrrs, forrrr five rrrriveting weeks you'll decide who the biggest loserrrr will be: the 30-yearrrr old unemployed guy who still mooches of his own motherrrr orrr the serrrrial womaniser who steals costume jewels frrrom vulnerrrable old ladies?"

Fox, don't you go stealing this idea now, you hear? I know it sounds awfully tempting, but trust me, this won't allow you to stoop even lower. I think you've already outdone yourself with shows like "Married by America" and "Man vs. Beast."


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She has kindly sent me this link and now it's made me all homesick for my beloved home country, where the national welcome sign ought to read: "Welcome to South Africa, where the gold is paved with streets and where the term Zebra Crossing should be taken quite literally."

Desperate Domestic Diva

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Since I just KNOW that all five of my regular readers will find this absolutely fascinating (YAWN) and since I always aim to please, it is with pleasure and without a hint of sarcasm that I bring you the following:

Domestic diva turned inmate (always with the multi-tasking!) Martha Stewart updated her website from Alderson Federal Prison (aptly nicknamed Camp Cupcake) with an open letter to us all.

For those of you who aren't going to bother clicking on the link (Gasp!), I'd be happy to sum it up for you:

She says the guards and inmates are nice.

Then she gets rather vague and simply says that she has been "very busy."

Strangely enough, she doesn't once confirm or deny the recent rumour that she's scored lots of points during an in-prison Scrabble game.

Her winning word?

Advertisers, rejoice: Apparently people do read the store catalogues they receive in the mail.

Not only that, but they seem to pay attention to the finer details inside.

And you might just get a super cool gift:

What Gives?

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You know, just as I was about to become super cocky and self-assured about finally being able to successfully upload photographs on this here site, my newfound inflated techno ego is rendered all fragile and pathetic and, with a few ruthless clicks of the mouse, entirely crushed.

"Why oh why all the melodrama again?" You may or may not be asking with interest real or feigned.

Oh, how can I possibly resist your persistent curiosity?

And so, once again, you manage to drag the heartbreaking tale out of me.

Blacklist this one

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Someone from this IP Address: and this (probably very appropriate, because if it's a man, he probably does need several extensions on parts lacking, not least of which would be his brain) e-mail address: extender@largemail.com just spammed my comments THIRTY SIX TIMES IN A ROW!!!!

In other news, I'm all Googled out from searching for addresses. Thanks for everyone's helpful imput regarding that. Will fill you in later.

Net Detective

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Summoning all internet gurus (aka all three and a half of my esteemed readers. Half, because some of you only read the post titles, I'm sure).


Oh, yes... my manners: Help me... NOW!


Don't worry, I don't need money. Well, I do, but that, frankly is another very sad story and since I'm always as cheerful as Katie bloody Couric (how can anyone be that chirpy THAT EARLY IN THE MORNING?!) and you've come to expect that kind of cheer from me (that, and irregular posts), I won't lament my money troubles and my mental unhealth.

I do, however, still need your help, oh you web savvy folks you!

is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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