Spam with Sole

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NOT that I'm encouraging them or anything, but I simply have to point out how some of my spammers are becoming increasingly creative.

Earlier today the comments section of this blog was graced by the following poetic masterpiece:

Since I hurt my pendulum
My life is all erratic.
My parrot, who was cordial,
Is now transmitting static.
The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
The cat keeps doing poo.
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is talking to my shoe.
-- My Shoe

Of course, I'd like to think that it was my writing that inspired them to soar to such new and literary heights... (Feel free to wipe them smirks of yer faces and instead nod in sincere agreement.)

So since I've set such high spamdards - especially over these last few days - I feel it my Civic Duty as Blogger to continue this tradition of imparting inspirational facts such as the following, which I read somewhere (possibly on another blog, but I can't remember where, so if I've nabbed this from one of you, please feel free to claim credit immediately): If you were to... um... expel gas (okay, okay: FART, if you were to fart) almost non-stop for about six years and nine months, you would generate enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb.*

Well, you certainly can't say that I never teach you anything!

*So Emily, in future, I'd lay off those beans if I were you!


There once was a man from Nantucket ...

Oh wait, THAT's certainly not appropriate. Let's try this again:

I know a gal from South Africa
with hair as red as the sun
on chat she'll play some sass with ya
(here I thought I was the only one)

Someday I'll take her to Fell's Pointe
and Baltimore, I'll show her around
though these days I'm closer to Detroit
it's one of my old stomping grounds

we'll eat pizza that's white
and do the zoo pub crawl
if only I could afford a flight
and wasn't in trouble with the law

until then we have the 'net
on which to communicate
and look at the time, I'm not in bed yet
I should do that before it's too late


(How's that for creative spam, eh? Yeah, okay, it was lame ... but it's 3:30 a.m. ... throw the kitty a frickin' bone.)

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Motor City Bad Kitty : There once was a man from Nantucket ... Oh wait, THAT's certainly not appropriate. Let's try this a... [go]
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