'Tis Such Cruelty...

| | Comments (6)

... That people are unable to hear the true sound of their own voices, leaving them to believe - with a belief as steadfast as a child's faith - that they sound just as good as Oprah when they speak, and, more importantly, that they can SING.

Not only that. They believe they can really sing.

So they do what any reasonable person who believe they are really good at singing (and they have to be good at it, because they enjoy it just SO much) would do, and so they sing. (And in some instances, some of them even audition for American Idol.)


They sing with enthusiasm. All the time. And almost everywhere.

Except... in the shower.

Because some people don't like to get shampoo and soap suds in their big mouths, see. So therefore the shower is the only place where some people shut up.

Until one day, when those same people decided to postpone a hair wash until a later, post-exercise shower.

So right there in the shower, without the risk of eating shampoo suds - and while keeping a close eye on the soap suds - some people started lustily belting out a song.

A few bars into the song, a faint but horrendous sound was detected. Someone was trying to sing along in a most awful voice! The neighbour? Yes, quite possibly the neighbour. The walls are extremely thin in some people's homes after all.

So some people kept right on singing, deciding to repeat the song for the benefit of the poor soul who was trying so hard to sing along and failing sooo miserably.

About half way through the third repetition of the song, the shower was finished and the water was turned off.

As soon as the noise of running water stopped the realisation set in:

Did you know that some bathrooms, although small, has quite an echo..?

There was never any neighbour singing along!

Thus, after getting a vague but very disturbing idea of what my voice really sounds like to other people, I vowed to NEVER OPEN MY MOUTH AGAIN. I was left feeling so humiliated by my own echo that I decided to discontinue ALL forms of oral communication, effective immediately.

After all, Helen Keller got along quite well without speaking.

UPDATE: Surprise, surprise: I'm no Helen Keller. And so my self imposed vow of silence lasted about all of five seconds.

6 Comments

mice said:

Yep the echo helps.

I can sing. I'ts not just my opin. I love singing in front of an audience.

I may be color bind but I can carry a tune. So there.

kimberly said:

Oh Lord! The only place I will sing is in the shower. I know how bad my voice is and I wouldn't subject another human being to it. However, I have to get out my inner pop star somehow!

martha said:

I think iit'd creep me out more to think that the neighbor could not only hear me singing in the shower but that said neighbor was singing along... here in the big city we live with the idea that we're all in houses with great spaces in between - the screaming child down the hall - nope, don't hear it. The loud ass tv downstairs that we can sing along with when sitcoms are on? nope, don't hear it...

pylorns said:

well you can't sing, but can you hum? (wicked grin)

kellen said:

i adore singing, even though i'm not any good. i sing in the shower all the time. it drives my cats crazy. i think one of my favorite shower songs is "alexander's rag time band". although at xmas time i switch to "o holy night."

amy t. said:

I'm a singer. I sing all the time. In the car, sitting at my desk (although I do this one pretty quietly), walking around making dinner... I'll sing just about anywhere. Except the shower. For some reason, I've never been a shower singer. Weird, huh?

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • amy t. : I'm a singer. I sing all the time. In the car, sitting at my desk (although I do this one pretty q... [go]
  • kellen : i adore singing, even though i'm not any good. i sing in the shower all the time. it drives my cat... [go]
  • pylorns : well you can't sing, but can you hum? (wicked grin)... [go]
  • martha : I think iit'd creep me out more to think that the neighbor could not only hear me singing in the sho... [go]
  • kimberly : Oh Lord! The only place I will sing is in the shower. I know how bad my voice is and I wouldn't su... [go]
  • mice : Yep the echo helps. I can sing. I'ts not just my opin. I love singing in front of an audience. I m... [go]
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