Feverish Copy Writing

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In bed, watching television. Temperature is 103F, but it feels like at LEAST 150F. Must remember to wear sunscreen, even though it appears to be raining, because everything is damp.

Zoning in and out of The Today Show (thank you, NBC, for giving us a break from Katie Couric on weekends. How can ANYONE be that chirpy this early in the morning?! She's a robot, I'm convinced).

Suddenly, a strange, yet very melodic song begins to play. Then there's this little boy on a tricycle. He is riding so fast, his chubby cheeks are wobbling in the breeze. His lips are pursed with concentration. There's a strange look in his eyes.

The camera pans down to the pavement just as the tricycle's front wheel makes an easter egg go "splat!"

We see that the whole length of the pavement is lined with chocolate Easter eggs. And a bunny! There's a real, live, white bunny with a trembling nose at the end of the line of easter eggs. The camera zooms out. The boy is heading straight for the other easter eggs AND THE BUNNY! HE IS GOING TO HIT THE BUNNY!

The other Easter eggs go "Splat!" "Splat!" "Splat!" as the boy rides over them. This is a little serial killer in the making. He is enjoying this far too much!

A little girl screams somewhere off camera.

The bunny is frozen... The only sign of fear in its little pink triangle of a nose, which is trembling uncontrollably.

There are only three Easter eggs left before the bunny...

"Splat!"

Two...

"Splat!"

I think I'm going to scream!

One...

Abruptly, the tricycle stops, not even an inch from the last Easter egg and the bunny.

If bunnies could look relieved, I'm sure this one wouldn't have looked it, because it was still too shocked to move anything but its trembling nose.

A few voices begin to chorus something about an Easter parade and trying Mary Sue (or something like that) candies today, bringing home the fact that the music had never stopped.

Words flash across the screen: "Some traditions are worth saving."

I zone out.

The boy brings water and medicine.

"I just had the most absurd dream," I croak through chapped lips. "There was a bunny, a real one, and this little boy on a tricycle was trying to kill it!"

The boy looks worried, leans close and feels my forehead. "You are burning up! Here, sit up and take this." He holds up the glass. I'm about to take a sip when I hear something familiar.

"THERE IT IS! MY DREAM! LOOK!" I point at the television. The excitement nearly brings on a coughing fit, but I drink the water and the boy manages to see and hear "my dream" without any interruption.

"Oooooooh!" he groans at the part where the little demon child is heading straight for the bunny.

At the conclusion, he doesn't know whether to laugh or shake his head, so he does both. "Now that must go down as one of the worst commercials I've ever seen. Did they really think that nothing will say "Easter" better than a devilish toddler on a tricycle mowing down Easter eggs and heading straight for a bunny?"

"That's probably why I thought I was hallucinating the whole thing!"

We decided that the copy writer must have dreamed up the concept while suffering from a very high fever, because honestly, since living in Maryland I've seen some rather awful commercials, but that one takes the cake... or rather, in this case... the Easter egg.

Perhaps feverish copy writing can be my new career. I don't think I'm ever going to get better anyway, so I might as well start planning my flu-ridden future.

10 Comments

Lisa said:

Oh. My! Wow. I hope your fever is gone soon and that I never have the misfortune of seeing that commercial.

kat said:

poor girl. now, get some soup and stop watching scary commercials ya hear? ;-) feel better soon damnit! hehe

blaze said:

get well soon, red.

Poor Red Dahling,
You sound awful. Damn the unpredictable weather here. Please get well soon. I wish that I had something else witty to add.

Cherryflava said:

One could read alot into that dream...bunnies and all that.

kim said:

your writing is great with a fever, tough. get better soon! *hugs*

kim said:

you know i really meant to write though, not tough. although -- you're tough. hang in there ;o)

deeleea said:

Miss you ... If I were there would be bringing you hot chocolates with marshmallows, or chilli... stuff the Chicken Soup...

Get better please.

Aquila said:

I'm sure anyone will have fever watching an ad like that. Get well soon.

Bear said:

Get well soon! The good thing about the day after Easter is that Spring begins and all the Easter Candy goes on Sale! Yippeeee!

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Bear : Get well soon! The good thing about the day after Easter is that Spring begins and all the Easter Ca... [go]
  • Aquila : I'm sure anyone will have fever watching an ad like that. Get well soon.... [go]
  • deeleea : Miss you ... If I were there would be bringing you hot chocolates with marshmallows, or chilli... st... [go]
  • kim : you know i really meant to write though, not tough. although -- you're tough. hang in there ;o)... [go]
  • kim : your writing is great with a fever, tough. get better soon! *hugs*... [go]
  • Cherryflava : One could read alot into that dream...bunnies and all that.... [go]
  • Bookstore Diva : Poor Red Dahling, You sound awful. Damn the unpredictable weather here. Please get well soon. I wish... [go]
  • blaze : get well soon, red.... [go]
  • kat : poor girl. now, get some soup and stop watching scary commercials ya hear? ;-) feel better soon damn... [go]
  • Lisa : Oh. My! Wow. I hope your fever is gone soon and that I never have the misfortune of seeing that co... [go]
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