Green Kegs and Ham

| | Comments (8)

Don your greens, lads and lasses! St. Patrick’s Day is here!

What a fine excuse to attend authentically Irish establishments outside the emerald isle, such as this fine place. Do yourself a favour: if you ever find yourself in D.C. and you happen to be in the mood for a few pints and a great time, go there!

I really like this day. And no, not just because it calls for - no, BEGS for - the consumption of large quantities of green beer! What do you take me for? Never mind... please don't bother to answer that!

I like it, because it's the ONE time of year that I find my red hair to be a somewhat useful accessory. I pretend to be Irish and usually get away with it, even though my South African accent doesn't even come CLOSE to sounding like the beautiful Irish lilt. Luckily, after a few beers, most people don't know the difference. Or if they do, they simply couldn't give a damn!

I was surprised to learn that this celebration was a religious holiday first. It only turned into a raucous drunken brawl much later. How lucky for us that it did!

Here, in VERY loose limerick form is a brief history of St. Patrick's Day. Please keep in mind that just because I like to compose limericks (I DO! Especially when I've had a pint... or two) does not mean that I am any good at it. In fact, I'm REALLY BAD at it, but since when have I allowed slight technicalities like that to prevent me from doing something? Huh?

Exactly...

So here goes. As the orthodontist said to the crooked teeth: Brace yerselves! (See? It's already lame, and I haven't even gotten to the limerick yet! You'd better have a pint first!)

The year was Three Eighty-Five AD
When Welsh lad Maewyn the light did see
His kin was poor and tough
He himself was quite rough
And hardly well-behaved or saint-ly

A band of thieves and marauders
From Ireland crossed several borders
The boy’s home was raided
Slavery awaited*
He spent six years answering orders

It was then that Fate came a-callin'
Told young Mae to convert the fallen
"No you can't be a drunk,
You must become a monk!"
He was Bishop before he was baldin'

Mae kept that gig for thirty years
When he died there were many tears
There at his Irish wake
He got another break
Sainthood and a day of green beers

So on this fine St. Patrick’s Day
Party all your sorrows away
Don your far greenest frock
Pin to it a large shamrock
And play Irish for one whole day

*"Awaited" can only rhyme with "Raided" if you say it with an American pronunciation. Besides, you ought to be drunk by now, so it shouldn't really matter!

That then was the brief (inaccurate?) history behind the March 17th celebrations. Of course, I've omitted some stuff about snakes and leprechauns (the little green men you'll see after a night of heavy drinking). I had no choice, because I wanted to keep it short in case you read this when you're not feeling so well.

Not to worry! Coming tomorrow: a haiku on how to cure a hangover.

But, what the hell, since it's St. Pat's and I'm on a roll (albeit a very bumpy one), I can't resist writing just one more.

Last one. I promise!

Andre Agassi’s a tennis pro
He saw Steffi and said “Why, hello!”
She said her name is Graff
And they hit it right off
Do their children have tennis elbow?

UPDATE: Dedicated to all the Irish (be it by birth/drunkeness or sheer imagination), but especially to her.

8 Comments

deeleea said:

Oh red, that's tragic.

I love it!

deeleea said:

oh yeah.. check out claypot's St Paddy's Day cartoon...

Love that too!

http://www.360degreesofsky.blogspot.com/

TimT said:

This St. Paddys day, I went to 'an authentic English pub' (named the Elephant and Wheelbarrow) with a New Zealand acquaintance and bought (brown) Irish beer off an American barmaid while listening to authentic Irish African American jazz.

TimT said:

There's not really any point to that little story, I just thought I'd tell you...

ViVi said:

Aw, I thought the limerick was quite good actually! :) It seems the French don't celebrate St Patricks, or if they do, they're keeping it a very good secret! I'm wearing green, just in case. ;)

Claypot said:

Thanks for the dedication Red! Geez, I've just been surfing various sites and seen so much vitriolic political sectarian paddybashing. What is up with the world? Yes, this day has been overtaken by commercialisation, but relax, it's also an excuse to take the day off and go down the pub with your mates. Shame people can't just enjoy themselves. I enjoyed your limericks anyway ha ha!

Bookstore Diva said:

Red Dahling,
You are so talented.That limerick thing was really good. I'm not good at rhyming anything. I didn't get a chance to celebrate St. Pat's Day this year like in years past. The po-po were everywhere.
And I'm not as young as I used to be. It's hard to out run the police in heels.

Red Dahling,
I am Officially a real blogger. I got my own blog. Please come and visit. and I'll come visit that place called Hampden.

Leave a comment




















about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

online


comments
  • Bookstore Diva : Red Dahling, I am Officially a real blogger. I got my own blog. Please come and visit. and I'll come... [go]
  • Bookstore Diva : Red Dahling, You are so talented.That limerick thing was really good. I'm not good at rhyming anythi... [go]
  • Claypot : Thanks for the dedication Red! Geez, I've just been surfing various sites and seen so much vitriolic... [go]
  • ViVi : Aw, I thought the limerick was quite good actually! :) It seems the French don't celebrate St Patric... [go]
  • TimT : There's not really any point to that little story, I just thought I'd tell you...... [go]
  • TimT : This St. Paddys day, I went to 'an authentic English pub' (named the Elephant and Wheelbarrow) with ... [go]
  • deeleea : oh yeah.. check out claypot's St Paddy's Day cartoon... Love that too! http://www.360degreesofsky.... [go]
  • deeleea : Oh red, that's tragic. I love it!... [go]
top commenters
archives
archive by category

links
credits
winner of
I won this blog!

winner of best writing
sablog2005-winnerbut.gif

retro dots skin designed with care by


liberty belle skin designed with care by


hosted with love by
Blogomania

script assistance by
scriptygoddess
MT Blacklist


one reader and counting... by




Locations of visitors to this page
with these rings, I thee join


Blog Baltimore




Next
Random
List
Join



South Africa's Top Sites
South African Blog Top Sites

I shmaak SA Blogs, sorted with Amatomu.com

Afrigator

Geolocalisation des internautes

Copyright belongs to the author (ha ha! She called herself an author!) of this website.