Unsung Cartoon Song

Last week those fun-lovin' censors at ABC prevented actor/comedian Robin Williams from performing a song during the Academy Awards ceremony.

Yeah, yeah... so that's not exactly hot off the press newsworthy or anything (what else do you expect from a procrastinating journalist?), but hold yer horses, for I'm about to deliver.

Before I do (and I swear I'm not just procrastinating now for the sport of it), allow me to enlighten those of you who are perhaps still not familiar with this story.

During the Oscars, Williams was to have performed a song making fun of conservative critic James Dobson, whose group had recently criticized the popular cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants for appearing in a video it deemed "pro-homosexual."

I say Mr. Dobson and his friends have way too much time on their hands. Most of us... well, you. (But for the sake of this stellar piece of journalism, let's forget all about what's already been written on this website about my fondness for American television, and include me in that remark). So, most of US hardly have any time to watch television, let alone study and dissect children's shows!

Or would it be wiser to speculate that Dobson and his friends are watching shows intended for children because that's what their intellects limit them to?

Whatever the case may be, Dobson and co. are hardly original.

In 1999, a publication edited by Jerry Falwell identified one of the giggling, gurgling Teletubbies - the purple-clad Tinky Winky - as a homosexual.

In the song that was yanked from the Oscars, Williams was going to refer to several other cartoon characters and describe their dark and seedy sides.

But Williams was gagged and the lyrics of the song was never revealed.

Until last night, when Williams was a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

When Leno asked him about the controversy, Williams pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and, to the delight of the audience, read a few lines from the song.

To all of you who've missed it... you can thank your lucky stars that I'm such a dextrous transcriptionist!

Here, for your Tuesday pleasure, are some of the lines from the unsung cartoon song. (Lyrics by Marc Shaiman, who is my new hero.)

If you think you are tough enough to handle the truth, read on.