Slapty bum!

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Ladies and Gentleman, I have FINALLY arrived!

No, no... I haven't left town. Or the house. And no, I haven't gotten a job or a Green Card either. (Damn, suddenly I'm starting to feel bummed out.)

But before you dismiss me with an impatient click of the mouse to move onto the sites of other, far more interesting bloggers who actually have jobs, and lives, and the ability to write and tell you about it all in a captivating, eloquent way, please humour me (as usual) and read on.

Yesterday afternoon, as I was wading through the spam in my inbox (or should I just go ahead and call it a spambox? Because that's all I seem to be receiving nowadays) and deleting it... lo' and behold! I actually stumbled onto a REAL e-mail, an e-mail written especially for me by a guy named Josh (Hello, Josh!). And what Josh wrote me made me absolutely giddy with delight!

Here's what Josh wrote:

Hello,

I had just watched jay leno here in Ohio. His guest was a dude who came up with
Google whacking.
It is when you search for two words on Google and only one result is found.
Well this brought me to your site.
After searching for less than a minute I put the words slapty bum into the Google search.
And there was your site. Anyway just thought I would drop you an e-mail about it.
By the way slapty bum is from Eddie Izzards stand up special on HBO. VARY VARY FUNNY STUFF!

Thanks,
Josh

I've been GOOGLEWHACKED!!!! This is FABULOUS! (And thanks to Josh's thorough explanation, I don't need to elaborate on what Googlewhacking is! ) So, no, Josh, thank YOU. Thank you for making me VARY VARY HAPPY!

You see, I also saw that guy on The Tonight Show. Luckily, according to Google (who else?) 'that guy' happens to be a British comedian/author/actor with a name: Dave Gorman.

According to his website, Gorman had all the intentions of writing a novel when one day, just like me, he received an e-mail from a stranger telling him that he'd been Googlewhacked. (So, no Josh, it doesn't look like Dave was the one who invented the game.)

UNLIKE me, Dave didn't know what a Googlewhack! was. (But now he is famous and rich and I'm not and definitely not, so it just goes to show you that sometimes it's far better NOT to know something beforehand.)

So Dave found out what Googlewhacking is. And he started playing it obsessively.

"At the time, googlewhacking seemed to be a pleasant enough distraction. Just something to do while sitting at my computer thinking about how to start writing my novel. I had no idea it was about to take over my life. I tried to resist it but things happened. Lots of things." Dave writes on his website.

"Now, the adventure is over. Googlewhacking has taken me around the world. Three times. I've played table tennis with a nine year old boy in Boston, and I've been way too familiar with some snakes in LA. I've met mini-drivers in North Wales and hippies in Memphis."

Dave has turned his Googlewhack! adventure into a successful one-man stage show. In fact, it's in its final days in Los Angeles right now, but not to fear, because he's taking the show to New York.

For those who still won't be able to make it, there's a DVD (available on Amazon UK) and yes, even though he didn't write a novel, he did write a book about his Googlewhacking experiences.

Anyway, back to my own newfound Googlewhack! adventure: After Gorman's appearance on The Tonight Show, I told the boy about it and said, not without some smugness: "My blog won't ever be a Googlewhack!, because I'm sure that at least one of my three readers have linked to it, so it won't ever come up as just one search."

Turns out that isn't how Googlewhacking works, and now I couldn't be happier that I've been Googlewhacked by Josh!

Only one other mystery remained... the two words Josh used to Googlewhack! me (Googlewhack!, Googlewhack!... yes, I just can't say and write it enough!):

Slapty bum.

Now, I know I sometimes use some weird vocabulary (sometimes... *gasp!*... I even INVENT WORDS!) and then proceed to blame it on the fact that Eeengleesh ees me second langweedge. But "Slapty Bum" had me stumped.

I would've remembered writing that, I'm sure I would've!

So I searched my site.

Nothing.

Then, on a whim, I decided to search my inbox and voila! After poking around a bit, the mystery was solved.

Turns out that my first instinct was accurate: I didn't write it.

But before I knew that for sure, he came to mind as a suspect. I mean, he is Australian after all, where words like slapty is as commonly used as "ain't" is in the U.S. I mean, boomerang? Kangaroo? Have you ever taken the time to repeat that out loud a few times in a row?

But wouldn't you know it! Turns out he is innocent (at least in this case he is!), which makes for a welcome change, doesn't it, my loathsome little chocolate cake?

So who then was the word-inventing culprit responsible for my Googlewhacking?

SHE was!

Yeah, it makes sense now, doesn't it? We should've known it would be only a matter of time before she had one of us (or herself) Googlewhacked!

This is the how she did it.

She wrote the following comment to this post on my blog:

"I'm forbidden to look at any of those things. My family is tired of hearing how I now have cancer of the eye, meningitus, ebola, anthrax, west nile virus, bird flu, leprosy, fungal hooptyfloob, joobaflotz majoris, slapty back wabbamatz, jinormous makamontosis.....

That I'm still walking is a miracle."

Thank you, Ms. Pants!

P.S. Hey Josh, can I please interview you for my blog? Don't worry, nobody reads it but the spambots (and three real people), so your reputation won't be ruined just by sheer association, 'cause nobody (but the spambots and three other people) will ever know.

P.P.S. Oh, and Josh? I checked my blog referrals on Thursday night (mostly spam, as per usual) and actually remember seeing the search 'slapty bum.'

I shook my head and said (out loud): "People are just getting stranger every day."

13 Comments

ViVi said:

As soon as I read "slapty bum" I thought OHMYGOD THAT'S AN EDDIE IZZARD REFERENCE BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA." I rather like him, you see. Have you seen his DVD's? They're quite funny.

Lisa said:

Heh - "Slapty Bum Leads to Googlewh*cking" - Film at eleven. Stay tuned now for more gibberish from the book of mysterious maladies and language logistics.

*trots off for more coffee*

*finds it odd th*t I h*d to resubmit my comment due to "questionable content - h*cki"*

*registers as number 4 real person reader*

*gets downright irritated at h*ving to censor "h*t i" AND "h*d t" AND "h*aving" now*

In some cases the asterisks indicate thought bubbles, in others they are my attempt to clean up my comment to get past the d*mn censors!

There is not enough coffee for this frustration this morning.

Lisa said:

Finally! I started th*t comment h*lf an hour ago! LOL

Oh, good grief!

bear said:

Well isn't that somethin'. Welcome to the cyberworld! Congratulations on being "whacked"- he he. :) Is that a good thing?

Kat said:

teehee. great story. you have truly made it darling. i'm drinking a glass of
kristal in your honor. ;-)

Fatima said:

i could not resist.
i looked for slapty bum...and there you were!

deeleea said:

Heartfelt Congratulations!!!

Onanymous said:

I just had to try it myself, and after countless tries,I actually found one!

coelacanths arachnophobic

Bookstore Diva said:

Red Dahling
I'm not that computer savy, I must try one thing at a time. But it's a great thing to be googlewhacked.

Ms. Pants said:

Is it wrong that I'm kinda proud of that?

(And yes, y'all. The Izzard references were absolutely intentional. He's my lobster, you see. We're going to live in trees with squirrels in drag. I've got the flag made and everything. And Achilles is going to do all our hoovering with the hoddiiidididididjaaa.)

And how lame am I that here I am, responsible for some sort of whacking (which is just so perfect because I'm PMS riddled and wanting to whack the shit out of just about everything) and my site is down. Lame-o-Pants!

Miss you, Red.

Talk about bad karma. And painful too.

Christin said:

I absolutley cant wait to Googlewhack! I think you've got it

Christin said:

omg! I finally found a googlewhack! I'm soo excited I had to tell you right away! -trematoda jiggy- Luv always

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Christin : omg! I finally found a googlewhack! I'm soo excited I had to tell you right away! -trematoda jiggy... [go]
  • Christin : I absolutley cant wait to Googlewhack! I think you've got it... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Talk about bad karma. And painful too.... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Is it wrong that I'm kinda proud of that? (And yes, y'all. The Izzard references were absolutely... [go]
  • Bookstore Diva : Red Dahling I'm not that computer savy, I must try one thing at a time. But it's a great thing to b... [go]
  • Onanymous : I just had to try it myself, and after countless tries,I actually found one! coelacanths arachnopho... [go]
  • deeleea : Heartfelt Congratulations!!!... [go]
  • Fatima : i could not resist. i looked for slapty bum...and there you were!... [go]
  • Kat : teehee. great story. you have truly made it darling. i'm drinking a glass of kristal in your honor.... [go]
  • bear : Well isn't that somethin'. Welcome to the cyberworld! Congratulations on being "whacked"- he he. :) ... [go]
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