A how to be a Poet poem

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Never mind my last entry! I think I've found my destiny.

He recently wrote a primer explaining how to be a poet, and since I've never been able to resist a how-to book/blog entry of any kind, I composed the following snode (sonnet and ode and all other forms of poetry thrown into one, even a hint of haiku) and dedicate it to him. (PARTS IN ALL-CAPS ARE MEANT TO BE SHOUTED, preferably in anguish, DURING PERFORMANCE AT THE POETRY JAM. He said to deliver it as if you are speaking to a bunch of five-year olds.)

On an all too black night
You hid from my sight
YES, YOU HID FROM ME
Behind a Frangipani Tree

I weep, I cry, I mourn
BECAUSE I SENSE YOUR SCORN

I am an artist, tortured by my art
I've etched YOU into my heart
And now I bleed all over the grocery cart
But even those stains are art
Because it is MY BLOOD from MY VEINS
running through MY body, subtly, beautifully, like trains

The sentences hang between us
D
R
O
P
P
I
N
G

Off in mid-air
And we can only stare
At...

The End.

Oh, I think he'll be so flattered and proud and... oh, wait a minute! It was How NOT to write a poem.

Oops.

So I guess I ought to scratch poet off my list of possible professions.

My list of possible professions:
Pulitzer Prize winner
Model ('Cause Ford Models only accepts Size 6 and a half to Size 8 for their Plus Size Division. Not even my feet are that small. Oh, and they say you have to not be ghastly to look at. Discriminatory bastards!)
Poet

Back to the previous entry then to find me a job.

10 Comments

Natalie said:

R, you're kidding about the size 6.5 to size 8, right? Right? That's Red's old sarcasm, right?

*runs off to throw up her salad*

Annika said:

Of course she's kidding.

They accept up to size 10.

*puke*

Alex. said:

6.5 to an 8 FOR A PLUS SIZE MODEL (yes, that was meant to be shouted in anguish)?! Guess I'll waddle on over to the buffet.

TimT said:

LOL I laughed so much at this entry. You've applied all those rules perfectly.

Anyway, as they say, one 'good poem' deserves another, and I've composed a little poetic tribute on my blog!

Red Dahling ,
I love your poetry. Why do you insist on trying to find a job? Go drink some coffee and write more poetry.

PLD said:

First timer, here. Loved the poem, and the nice things poem about you over on "...Type for food", which brought me here!

food junkie said:

If Reubens still had breath you would have been his TOP model. Unfortunately no perkies around thus only wine in that goblet. And eating on the job will be a prerequisite.

All you have to do now is wake him up!!!!!

deeleea said:

Where are you?

Annika said:

She's in California! She bought me coffee! SHE'S MY BFF AND NONE OF YOU CAN HAVE HER!

Red Dahling,
Please come back. What will I do. I've become addicted to your wit. I might even have to do some work if you don't come back soon.

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling, Please come back. What will I do. I've become addicted to your wit. I might even have t... [go]
  • Annika : She's in California! She bought me coffee! SHE'S MY BFF AND NONE OF YOU CAN HAVE HER!... [go]
  • deeleea : Where are you?... [go]
  • food junkie : If Reubens still had breath you would have been his TOP model. Unfortunately no perkies around thus ... [go]
  • PLD : First timer, here. Loved the poem, and the nice things poem about you over on "...Type for food", wh... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling , I love your poetry. Why do you insist on trying to find a job? Go drink some coffee a... [go]
  • TimT : LOL I laughed so much at this entry. You've applied all those rules perfectly. Anyway, as they sa... [go]
  • Alex. : 6.5 to an 8 FOR A PLUS SIZE MODEL (yes, that was meant to be shouted in anguish)?! Guess I'll waddle... [go]
  • Annika : Of course she's kidding. They accept up to size 10. *puke*... [go]
  • Natalie : R, you're kidding about the size 6.5 to size 8, right? Right? That's Red's old sarcasm, right? *r... [go]
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