Tearing my eyes away from my Amazing Internet Television Shows...

| | Comments (7)

... To let you know that yes, indeed, I'm still alive.

I haven't moved from this chair in about a week and a half, so my behind is sore and my eyes are bleary and my hand is all cramped up from gripping and obsessively clicking the mouse to watch yet another South African television show, but I'm alive.

(Please don't look so openly disappointed.)

And I AM still working on my travelogue. That is, if you can define adding approximately one word a day to it as "working on it."

Okay, but at least I'm feeling guilty about still not having it completed. And besides, I'm being put to even further shame by her. She went on her trip about a month after I returned from mine, and she's already shared most of her travel tales with us. (Go read it. It's irresistible: Filled with sheep and castles and rabbit doo.)

Luckily you've come to expect nothing more of me! I'm sooo glad that my bad blogging habits and my terrible writing skills have come to be so useful!

So all ye younge bloggers oute there, here is some free, unsolicited advice (but be grateful, young brats. I could emulate my immigration lawyer and charge you a few thousand dollars for it anyway, unsolicited or not! What? I sound bitter you say? Me? NEVER!)... Anyway, where were we?

Oh yes. Unsolicited advice to the young'uns: If you are planning to be the Second Laziest Blogger Ever (sorry, slot of the laziest is already, leisurely, filled by me), then by George! Do NOT write on your blog every day! If you do (and even if you do it badly with lots of overused parentheses (or even parentheses WITHIN parentheses!)), your three readers will come to expect having something new to read every day when they come to your blog, and with every new ping, they'll start salivating like Pavlov's dogs so famously did whenever they heard his bell ring, and then, when the pings stop coming one day, they will revolt and start spamming you with e-mails to see where you are and then they will eat each other and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT for setting such high standards (like blogging every day) in the first place!

But if you do it correctly by being a bad blogger from the beginning, then no one will notice if you don't blog for seven months, and no one will clog your inbox with concerned e-mails to check on your well-being. (Trust me, you don't want that. Really. It may SOUND pleasant, but think about it: Receiving and then having to open e-mails and... such horror... READING it is just SO strenuous! Especially if you could be doing something productive, like taking a nap.)

Instead, the people will see that you've updated your blog for the second time in a year and show only mild interest. "Oh, yeah. Whats-her/his-name has updated. I wonder what they sai... Oh, LOOK! A ping from one of the EAGER EVERY DAY BLOGGERS!"

And clickety-click, just like that they'll navigate away from your blog and leave you to fester away in a dark, unnoticed corner of the internet, the corner where all ignored, neglected, dying or dead sites end up... The World Wide Cobweb...

7 Comments

Bear said:

Yes, reading IS strenuous. That's why I have a pile of unread books collecting dust on my bookshelves. :)

Red Dahling,
Glad to know that you are still among the living.
Saw the boy @ the Megabook Store, quite sure he told you. I also gave him my phone # for you to call so we can get you out of the house. He updated me on your condition. You know that it would help if you actually left the house for at least 5 minutes a day. Please call whenever you can tear yourself away for your programs. By the way,you wouldn't happen be to referring to my blog which I haven't posted anything since last month? Yes I am a lazy blogger.

TimT said:

I hardly ever read books now. I just look at them, and all the pretty shapes the words make.

pylorns said:

i expect more from you damnit.

Red Dahling,
Where the hell are you? This this little hiatus has gone on long enough. Get back to work.

martha said:

Your wish to keep me navigating away has not worked.

And come on - you can multi-task can't you - watch tv shows and blog at once?

TimT said:

Yes, come back Red! WE NEED YOU!

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about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • TimT : Yes, come back Red! WE NEED YOU!... [go]
  • martha : Your wish to keep me navigating away has not worked. And come on - you can multi-task can't you - w... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling, Where the hell are you? This this little hiatus has gone on long enough. Get back to wo... [go]
  • pylorns : i expect more from you damnit.... [go]
  • TimT : I hardly ever read books now. I just look at them, and all the pretty shapes the words make.... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling, Glad to know that you are still among the living. Saw the boy @ the Megabook Store, qui... [go]
  • Bear : Yes, reading IS strenuous. That's why I have a pile of unread books collecting dust on my bookshelve... [go]
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