A brief interruption from the Melo-Drama of my past

| | Comments (15)

I'm still writing the Nanny Saga, I promise. All this living in the past is making me a little crazy (-ier than usual?), so I took a bit of a break from all the serious stuff to write a birthday e-mail to my best friend's daughter.

"Hi there Birthday Girl ,

Happy Birthday all the way from the United States! I can't believe it's been two
years since your arrival here on earth! How do you like it so far? I know you've already seen the Indian Ocean and Botswana and Pretoria and Johannesburg and all the places inbetween, and that's almost more than what I have seen at the age of 31... well, ALMOST 31. I'm glad you also like travelling. I see we'll get along well.

Just eleven more years until you'll be able to give your mother plenty
of teenage drama. And believe me, if you knew how naughty SHE was as a
teen (and even into her college years... ESPECIALLY into her college
years! In fact, she was the one solely responsible for my corruption in
college, although of course, if you'd ask her, she'll vehemently deny it!) you'll
never feel guilty about your own hormonal tantrums!

In fact, I'd advise you to start practicing already. Besides, isn't this supposed
to be your Terrible Two's anyway? I say, LIVE IT UP, girl! I'll bring the
booze if you bring the... WHADOYOUMEAN you haven't been introduced to the splendours of alcohol yet?!? You've been around for... sorry, your auntie isn't the most mathematical type... well, 365 plus 366 (leap year, remember?) days already! After all those days of hanging around, have you learned NOTHING yet?

And no, I don't care about all the words you can already say or the motor skills you've already developed. Because take it from me, Little One, a person really doesn't have to walk to be able to get through life. And I should know. But drinking? Now THAT's a very valuable social skill indeed!

Please tell your mother to e-mail me!

Love,
Your auntie Red."

See why I was such a great nanny?

15 Comments

deeleea said:

Bloody Brilliant... I shall take some cues from this for my nephews 5th in a couple of weeks!!

Red Dahling,
My nephew has a birthday some time this month or next month.(I forget the date every year,but he's used to it by now) Can you write something for me? Then we'll sign my name to it. And pretend that I did it;like we do with everything else. I know that you were a fabulous nanny. Piss, on those rich bastards.

TimT said:

I suppose it's probably too late to suggest this now, but you should have spiked his breast milk with Tia Maria. Start 'em off early, that's what I say.

TimT said:

Her breast milk, not his - that is, unless the mother was a boy, which is anatomically unlikely.

D'oh!

Miss Lisa said:

fabulous!

kim said:

this is SO CUTE. i hope your friend keeps it for her to read as soon as she can read (you DO realize she probably can't read yet, right?) because it's really, really sweet. ;o)

kim said:

uh, and also: "we want the nanny-saga part III, we want the nanny-saga part III, we want the nanny-saga part III.."

kerri said:

Yes, Nanny Saga Part III! Or we'll mutiny! But not really. :)

kyknoord said:

You are the number one nanny. Everything makes perfect sense now.

deeleea said:

The birthday suit is ready... I would like to try it on before the big day but am waiting till I'm the only one around to see it...

Just in case it looks really bad ...

GRIN

deeleea said:

Oh yeah... and please write another part of the story down...

Dan said:

seems I've always had a weak spot for red heads! Why in the hell did I end up marrying blonde?

Dan.

Your Wife said:

That's a good question, Dan.

ensurt said:

(not really) patiently waiting for your update... c'mon, redsaid!!!! this pause is killing me!

Natalie said:

Yeah yeah! Feed the li'l ones whiskey and they'll go to bed SUPER easily!

Leave a comment




















about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

online


comments
  • Natalie : Yeah yeah! Feed the li'l ones whiskey and they'll go to bed SUPER easily!... [go]
  • ensurt : (not really) patiently waiting for your update... c'mon, redsaid!!!! this pause is killing me!... [go]
  • Your Wife : That's a good question, Dan.... [go]
  • Dan : seems I've always had a weak spot for red heads! Why in the hell did I end up marrying blonde? Dan.... [go]
  • deeleea : Oh yeah... and please write another part of the story down...... [go]
  • deeleea : The birthday suit is ready... I would like to try it on before the big day but am waiting till I'm t... [go]
  • kyknoord : You are the number one nanny. Everything makes perfect sense now.... [go]
  • kerri : Yes, Nanny Saga Part III! Or we'll mutiny! But not really. :)... [go]
  • kim : uh, and also: "we want the nanny-saga part III, we want the nanny-saga part III, we want the nanny-s... [go]
  • kim : this is SO CUTE. i hope your friend keeps it for her to read as soon as she can read (you DO realize... [go]
top commenters
archives
archive by category

links
credits
winner of
I won this blog!

winner of best writing
sablog2005-winnerbut.gif

retro dots skin designed with care by


liberty belle skin designed with care by


hosted with love by
Blogomania

script assistance by
scriptygoddess
MT Blacklist


one reader and counting... by




Locations of visitors to this page
with these rings, I thee join


Blog Baltimore




Next
Random
List
Join



South Africa's Top Sites
South African Blog Top Sites

I shmaak SA Blogs, sorted with Amatomu.com

Afrigator

Geolocalisation des internautes

Copyright belongs to the author (ha ha! She called herself an author!) of this website.