A brief interruption from the Melo-Drama of my past

I'm still writing the Nanny Saga, I promise. All this living in the past is making me a little crazy (-ier than usual?), so I took a bit of a break from all the serious stuff to write a birthday e-mail to my best friend's daughter.

"Hi there Birthday Girl ,

Happy Birthday all the way from the United States! I can't believe it's been two
years since your arrival here on earth! How do you like it so far? I know you've already seen the Indian Ocean and Botswana and Pretoria and Johannesburg and all the places inbetween, and that's almost more than what I have seen at the age of 31... well, ALMOST 31. I'm glad you also like travelling. I see we'll get along well.

Just eleven more years until you'll be able to give your mother plenty
of teenage drama. And believe me, if you knew how naughty SHE was as a
teen (and even into her college years... ESPECIALLY into her college
years! In fact, she was the one solely responsible for my corruption in
college, although of course, if you'd ask her, she'll vehemently deny it!) you'll
never feel guilty about your own hormonal tantrums!

In fact, I'd advise you to start practicing already. Besides, isn't this supposed
to be your Terrible Two's anyway? I say, LIVE IT UP, girl! I'll bring the
booze if you bring the... WHADOYOUMEAN you haven't been introduced to the splendours of alcohol yet?!? You've been around for... sorry, your auntie isn't the most mathematical type... well, 365 plus 366 (leap year, remember?) days already! After all those days of hanging around, have you learned NOTHING yet?

And no, I don't care about all the words you can already say or the motor skills you've already developed. Because take it from me, Little One, a person really doesn't have to walk to be able to get through life. And I should know. But drinking? Now THAT's a very valuable social skill indeed!

Please tell your mother to e-mail me!

Love,
Your auntie Red."

See why I was such a great nanny?