March 2007 Archives

Airline check-in guy: "Did anyone else pack your belongings?"

Sister and I: "No."

Airport guy: "Do you have any explosives in your luggage?" (Although I have to say I was worried about my sister's potent hairspray, because I'm rather sure it's manufactured in Benoni. However, I wasn't going to tell Airline guy that.)

Sister and I: "No."

Airport guy: "Do you have anything sharp on you?"

Me: "No... well, except (and at this Airline guy looks a little startled, and then almost gleeful and I can see his arm visibly twitching to press some sort of panic button under the counter)... for my wit."

Sister: "And my tongue."

Luckily Airline guy had a sense of humour, otherwise we probably would have been promptly thrown in prison for life without formalities like court hearings.

P.S. No, I haven't been anywhere. This incident happened more than a year ago at Cape Town International Airport. My sister and I were on our way to Johannesburg to attend our dad's birthday party. So this is just the normal timely journalism that you've come to expect from me, you demanding beasts!

P.P.S. Today is my personal web goddess Emily's birthday. Go wish her, I beseech you!

Last night I had the WORST nightmare.

No, it wasn't my usual "falling" dream where I have that roller-coaster feel on the pit of my stomach as I'm falling through space, and then I jolt awake just as I'm supposed to hit the ground... or in my case, the sharp rocks I am hurtling towards.

Analyse THAT!

Or don't.

Anyway, this nightmare also didn't contain monsters, bogeymen or ghosts.

It was worse. MUCH worse.

I was out in a shopping mall in the States, and I ran into my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend.

Apart from the fact that the witch was blonde (of course! Grrr...), I don't remember any exact details.

Except... and this is the truly nightmarish part...

Because I'm blogging from my phone!

This is remarkable - not because I'm doing this from the depths of darkest Africa (although I have to tell you, I never did anything this futuristic in the States, except for that one time when I attended a Sci-fi convention in search of other illegal aliens), but because this is technologically challenged ME we're talking about! Me, the girl who can hardly send or receive e-mails without unleashing a thousand viruses and irretrievably corrupting the hard drive.

Yes, of course it's taking a little bit longer composing my daily magnum opus from a telephone keypad, which is prob y i've sudd been ovrcom by the desire 2 type like this & 2 tell u that u r all gr8! & that i'll c u l8er! & that i'll brb & i'm lol cos i think i'm so cool.

Updated from my laptop to say: Wow, it is expensive to be so cool! So it's probably much wiser that I remain uncool. It's either being tragically hip (now I know why they call it 'tragically' hip, because being hip plunges one into the murky, slum-smelling depths of poverty) or giving up coffee, and well, you all KNOW that there is NO WAY that I'm going to give up my caffeine!

... If you'd please vote for me!

Amazingly enough, the entertainment and gossip blog I've been writing for since last year has been nominated for a 2007 South African Blog Award!!! (Yes, I know... there's absolutely no accounting for taste. Luckily for me!)

The competition is as stiff as this woman's husband (and you thought I was macabre?!? At least my first love was only comatose, not dead! Do you think she refers to him as her 'deadbeat' husband? And does this make her a newly wed-ow? Well, at least he won't snore, right? He might hog the remote when rigor mortis sets in though, so I'd advise her to pry it from his hands as soon as possible!), so we really need your votes. I believe today and tomorrow are the final days of voting - of COURSE I had to procrastinate asking you guys for help - so please hop on over to this site, scroll down to the Best Entertainment Blog Category and go give Jetstreaker a vote? Only one vote per e-mail and pc, so vote from as many different pcs... I'm KIDDING!

Anyway, if you DON'T vote for me, I'll be fired.

Okay, not really, but while you are voting, you might as well vote for my boss too. Accomplished creature that he is, he has been nominated in several different categories!

Thank you in advance, and if we win, I promise to reward you by not writing on here for a while.

is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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