Upheaval

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I'm going through a Major Life Change right now.

No, you beasts... it's NOT a super early onslaught of menopause! (WHADOYOUMEAN it won't be THAT super early?)

Although anyone who's been unfortunate enough to recently witness me and my hot flashes, my general grumpiness and my not-so-inexplicable weight gain in person would probably suspect at LEAST menopause. Or something worse. Like marriage! (Speaking of which, I've been proposed to! By HER! But even though I'm super flattered, I have to turn her down because a) Thanks to this, I'm commitment phobic
b) Despite suffering from such a decidedly male condition, I'm afraid that girls just don't do it for me, and
c) Even if girls DID do it for me, I'd still have to turn her down, because next to her slight frame, I'd look even larger and next to me, she'd look even skinnier and, since she despises her bones (how ungrateful, right? I'd swap her bones for my lard ANY day!), that's not anything that either of us would want. So even if we WERE to hook up, ours would have to be a clandestine affair. And discretion would never work because, well, we're bloggers!)

I'm knackered right now, but I promise to spill the beans about my Major Life Change in the next couple of days.

15 Comments

Alan said:

Spill the beans? Still talking about food are you? :-)

Fair enough, on some of the things :)

Like girls marrying girls, anyway.
x

kim said:

i just hope it's a good one! :)

deeleea said:

You're moving to Australia!! Hooray!! Let me know when to meet you at the airport...

redsaid said:

Alan: What can I say? I'm obsessed...

Peas: As I've already commented on your blog, since finding out that you have DSTV, I'm seriously reconsidering and might just end up accepting your proposal after all. I don't even have basic free television reception. Anyone know how a girl can swing a Joost invite?

Kim: I haven't even had time to consider whether it's good or bad for me. But whether it will make for an interesting blog read? You should know by now not to hold your breath waiting for an interesting read to appear anywhere on this site... except in the witty comments left by all of you!

Dee: I SO wish! You can go and pick me up every day. Who knows, one day I might just actually be there when you swing by international arrivals!

Lisa said:

o.O

Now you've got my curiosity piqued. You're coming back to the States?!

redsaid said:

Oh, Lisa... I SO wish! But alas, no, that's not it.

SilverSabre said:

How did your move go? Hope you settling down nicely :)

Whats this ground shattering revelation u have us holding our breath for?? It isnt fair, we arent whales u know! :)

Oh and if you and peas do hook up, please take photos, cos that stuff is just Hawt!! :P

SS

Leslie said:

Hey Kiddo...
it's been a while. almost 2 years. i know i haven't been in touch, but i just wanted to say, i do check up on you via your very funny (dangerously so-espcially-for-gals-who-are-trying-to-look-busy-and-important-at-work-whilst-trying-not-to-get-caught-on-gawker.com) blog.
you sound well-- i really hope your life changing experience is amazing, and one that will hopefully bring you back from the states. Pardon my grammar-- i am, afterall, a yank.

regards,
Leslie (from B-more, now NY)

Red Dahling,
I'm back, I've just returned from the cliffs of insanity. Did you miss me? What is going on? Are you moving again? Where are you moving to? I offered to marry you too,when you were here in the states,but you turned me down.I seem to vaguely remember something about US both liking men. Well I promise not to go crazy again w/o at least a proper email. Write me(ha ha),ok email me so that we can "talk".
Miss you much. PS. Paulette, and the baby have left me and moved to Maine. She also took her husband and the two cats. Now I'm really alone. Actually I still have Miko. Kisses

Red Dahling,
I'm back, I've just returned from the cliffs of insanity. Did you miss me? What is going on? Are you moving again? Where are you moving to? I offered to marry you too,when you were here in the states,but you turned me down.I seem to vaguely remember something about US both liking men. Well I promise not to go crazy again w/o at least a proper email. Write me(ha ha),ok email me so that we can "talk".
Miss you much. PS. Paulette, and the baby have left me and moved to Maine. She also took her husband and the two cats. Now I'm really alone. Actually I still have Miko. Kisses

redsaid said:

Hey Ho, Silver! Wait, I'm still GETTING to that part.

Leslie: MUFFIN! Oh. My. Word. I can't believe it... It's really good to hear from you again.

Bookstorediva!!!! Sweetie, don't leave the cliffs of insanity so soon, because I'm well on my way there. I miss you an UNBELIEVABLE amount. Since you've been deserted by the new momma, you just HAVE to find a way to get me back there.

Mark said:

Blondes may have more fun, but redheads ARE more fun!

I tried to leave this a couple posts down, and it wasn't allowed!

redsaid said:

Awww, Mark, you're such a love.

Oh, had to close the rest of the comments due to an over eager spammer.

SilverSabre said:

umm...Ooops...sowwy

btw, u totally missed out :)

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • SilverSabre : umm...Ooops...sowwy btw, u totally missed out :)... [go]
  • redsaid : Awww, Mark, you're such a love. Oh, had to close the rest of the comments due to an over eager spa... [go]
  • Mark : Blondes may have more fun, but redheads ARE more fun! I tried to leave this a couple posts down, an... [go]
  • redsaid : Hey Ho, Silver! Wait, I'm still GETTING to that part. Leslie: MUFFIN! Oh. My. Word. I can't believ... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling, I'm back, I've just returned from the cliffs of insanity. Did you miss me? What is goin... [go]
  • bookstorediva : Red Dahling, I'm back, I've just returned from the cliffs of insanity. Did you miss me? What is goin... [go]
  • Leslie : Hey Kiddo... it's been a while. almost 2 years. i know i haven't been in touch, but i just wanted to... [go]
  • SilverSabre : How did your move go? Hope you settling down nicely :) Whats this ground shattering revelation u h... [go]
  • redsaid : Oh, Lisa... I SO wish! But alas, no, that's not it.... [go]
  • Lisa : o.O Now you've got my curiosity piqued. You're coming back to the States?!... [go]
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