Where will it end, smarty pants?

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Good heavens. Is someone trying to tell me something? Because as a human (well... most of the time I pretend to be one anyway) of, I suspect (hope?), average intelligence, I am starting to develop an inferiority complex.

First I had computers outsmarting me. Then smart phones came along. Suddenly, that little device that I can hold in the palm of my hand has more marketable skills than I have!

And now, according to a recent article I've read, we are about to get smart clothes too!

By smart, they don't mean 'fancy' either.

Apparently some chemical engineers are figuring out how to combine their calculations or formulas (or whatever it is that chemical engineers make/do) with textiles to make fibres and material "that can genuinely act in an intelligent manner."

Does this mean that my shirt sleeve will be able to snatch the pen from my hand and complete the newspaper crossword puzzle if I'm taking too long for its liking to fill out the clues?

Or will we be able to have intellectually stimulating conversations with our Levi's?

Will future mini skirts have the ability to be sexy AND wax lyrical about philosophy and religion? Or will a piece of clothing's intelligence be determined by its length and size? (Actually, that might not be a bad idea. Plus sizes have suffered from discrimination for so long, a bit of respect might be long overdue.)

Or what about those trench coats always favoured by dirty old flashers in the park... will the coat take over and provide the unfortunate viewer with an informative news flash instead of... well, you know.

Could that funny jersey knitted by your aunt Martha have you in stitches with its off-beat, off-colour sense of humour?

Well... no. Not quite. Apparently the boring engineers want their potential smart fabrics be put to use "in the likes of healthcare applications, security, and display of helpful data."

Mmm. Helpful to whom, we wonder? *Cough* Big Brother *Cough.*

So much for relying on clothes to modestly cover up our flaws. Apparently our future wardrobes will be filled with Prêt-à-Porter traitors forcing us to literally wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Well, micro-chipped moccasins or not, we don't expect that too many things will change. Decked out in their green I.D. broek, women will probably still fret in front of the mirror and ask: "Does this bar code make my butt look big?"

The only difference is that it will probably be her ID broek giving her a reply and not her boyfriend/husband/partner.

Kind of gives new meaning to the term smarty pants, doesn't it?

As long as it can iron itself. THEN I will be impressed.

(For some mysterious reason I thought about you when I wrote this. No, I've no idea either.)

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5 Comments

TimT said:

I suspect my clothes are smarter than me already. My socks have taken to hanging out in pairs, and I think they're whispering about me behind my back... And whenever I take my hat out for a walk, it runs away the first opportunity it can get!

I think they're planning a full-blown revolution against me. Not so much 'The Seven Days That Shook The World' as 'The Seven Handkerchiefs that Shook TimT'.

Viva la Handkerchief revolution!

Marco said:

Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase 'smarty pants' or 'smart arse' huh ;-)

Caz said:

I'm not sure if the idea of smart clothes pisses me off more than the idea of smart white goods, it's a tough call.

Having a fridge telling me what groceries to buy isn't exactly my idea of "helpful".

Having a toilet analyzing my output and insisting that I do or don't see a doctor is also, not my idea of a fun start to the day.

I suppose a nice dress that deflects on-coming traffic, or wards off evil spirits would be handy, but, alas, I don't think that's the type of "smart" clothing they have in mind.

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

If smart means my jeans get cheeky about the size of my arse you can count me out for them. I've a smart enough mouth of my own...

Amy said:

Wake up dude! :-) You've been memed! The link is the URL above. it gives you an easy blog entry too!

Amy

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Amy : Wake up dude! :-) You've been memed! The link is the URL above. it gives you an easy blog entry to... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: If smart means my jeans get cheeky about the size of my arse you can count me out for them. I've a ... [go]
  • Caz : I'm not sure if the idea of smart clothes pisses me off more than the idea of smart white goods, it'... [go]
  • Marco : Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase 'smarty pants' or 'smart arse' huh ;-)... [go]
  • TimT : I suspect my clothes are smarter than me already. My socks have taken to hanging out in pairs, and I... [go]
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