Here are the answers... no idea what the questions were, though!

I'm sitting here trying to cook up a brilliant scheme on how to entice all of my millions (nay, BILLIONS) of imaginary readers to get their very real friends, and relatives, and colleagues, and colleagues' friends, relatives and colleagues... to vote for me in the 2008 SA Blog Awards. (Yes, yes... I agree... it was a grossly negligent oversight on their part to have nominated the likes of me, but shhh, I won't point it out to them if you don't, okay?)

And well, you all know how I suck at cooking... so needless to say, none of the schemes I've dreamed up thus far seems very... well... palatable. Or tasteful. Or well-done. Or even medium rare...

So as I go back to the drawing board (another skill I lack, but hey... I'm running out of alternative ways to say 'make a plan'), I have actually been tagged in a meme a while ago by this lovely creature. (Who is of course solely to blame for subjecting you all to this). Which I shall now resort to. As a last resort.

In order to participate in this particular Meme, the rules of engagement are:

  • Link to the person who tagged you (Done!)
  • Post the rules here (Doing!)
  • Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself (Uh... ONLY A MEASLY SEVEN? I mean, it's hard to pick if one's very existence is centred upon the sad fact that one is weird in possession of a few quirks.)
  • Tag 7 random people at the end of the post, linking to them (Will do!)
  • Leave a comment on their blog so that they know they've been tagged (not anonymously!!) (Okay, enough with the homework already! And here I used to think that Memes were just a lazy way to blog...)
1. One of the most important things I've learned in my 33 years on earth so far, is that it's absolutely astounding how many people will believe you when you tell them that your birthday is on the 30th of February.

2. My sister and I use the same IT guys here in Stellenbosch (and no, you can't have them... we keep them VERY busy), and after me killing one and a half laptops (don't ask), and after my sister's PC began smoking (yes! SMOKING!) one day, the guys sat us both down and said that it really hurts them to see how we kill electronic devices, and that we should please consider using pen and paper from now on... And then they hooked us up to machines to see if they could get to the bottom of what exactly it is about our genetic makeup that inspires all things electronic to have such vehement reactions when we come near them... And then those machines that they had hooked us up to? Promptly exploded!

3. Since I've never in my 33 years had the pleasure of possessing cheekbones, I would very much one day like to have the following engraved on my tomb stone:
    Chisel it in stone
    And let it be known
    Red has finally located
    Her funny bone
    (Posthumourously)

4. The only reason why I'm not a more driven person, is because I can't find a chauffeur anywhere who would take the gig for free. (Well, maybe this dude would consider it! So tell me, after exactly how many miles does a test drive turn into full-on grand theft auto?)

5. The one (okay, the only) awesome thing about generally not being fit for human consumption, as I am? Is that it  greatly diminishes one's risk of being approached by cannibals.

6. And speaking of being human (or not... such as the case may be): The human condition is insufferable. Which is why it is such a relief that it's terminal!

7. After years and years of intently watching and studying the show (strictly for research purposes... and okay, in the hopes of sometimes seeing puppies), I have formed an intricate conspiracy theory regarding Oprah Winfrey and the celebrity couples who appear on her show.

Tag, you are it. And you, you, you, you, you and you!

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11 Comments

TimT said:

I love it when you get to give the answers without figuring out what the questions were. They should have school exams like this!

PS Oprah has *puppies?!?*

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

TimmyT: Regarding getting answers without questions... It's almost just as liberating as Médecins/Reporters Sans Frontières. With no risk of being kidnapped/killed or picking up killer diseases in war-stricken, third world countries.

It is also very similar in fact to my favourite American television show (which I miss as much as I miss Starbucks): Jeopardy!

In fact, if Oprah was to conduct all her interviews in the form of statements, which the guests had to then answer in the form of questions, I would love no show better than Oprah. Not even Jeopardy! Except maybe if Jeopardy! had puppies too...

That would be almost impossible to beat.

mkichael said:

Yes, it would be terrible if you were to inflict more Red thoughts on the world via your blog. So I for one will be casting lots and lots of votes. Oh, and welcome back...

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Why, mkichael! Fancy meeting you here!

I'm terribly glad that you think I have thoughts, because thoughts would imply that I have a brain!!!

Yes, please protect the worldwide web from the likes of me by casting lots and lots of votes? Saving the worldwide web from red should be JUST as important, I believe, as it is to save the world by going green.

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Bugger... I had typed a comment and it evaporated - pfoof...

ANYWAY - what I was saying was I moved the widget... it was lost so I moved it up the top where EVERYONE can see it... no excuses for not voting now...

I also blogged but not the meme... I couldn't think of 7 things... but I DID manage to put some subliminal advertising on the site to make people vote for you...

SilverSabre said:

I was not the tag?

:'(

*cries softly*

pylorns said:

Hey, you're back! Wait so is wetwired!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Pylorns: PIEHORNS! I'm very glad that you too are wired again. How's Texas, Cowboy? Found me a Green Card yet?

Silver: It's because you are the label, sweetie! Can't possibly put a tag of any kind on the likes of YOU! (And now that I've buttered you up: Jazz Fest?)

Dee: My, but your webgoddess powers ARE significant!!! Please don't make your comments go "Pfoof" though... Spammers, yes, by all means... but really girl, I get so few real ones, that I'd really like to keep them all around for ever. Thanks again for the widget rearranging and embedding. If you keep this up, we might have to shack up here in cyberland. Speaking of which, you left your toothbrush here in the back corridors at redsaid's...

pylorns said:

No green card, although I do have a candidate who is single whom you'd might like.

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Oooh. now, now... praytell me MORE about this potential suitor, Mr. Pylorns! Does he have a sexy Southern draaawl?

*Suddenly Red comes to her senses and looks suspicious* Hang on. You've seen what I look like. So WHAT is the catch? Is he like dead or something?

Then again, I sooo don't discriminate against minor technicalities like life or death. I mean, I dwell in a student town. So if you are a female over... well... a certain age, you might as well declare yourself dead. And well, most of the menfolk in the city closest to me (Cape Town) don't even think straight... so yeah, pickings are slim. The young ones here must've caught on to the Cougar trend sweeping the States though, because I have had a date with a 23-year old... That is - READ MY LIPS - TEN YEARS YOUNGER, baby.

pylorns said:

Check your email I sent you information. He's much older than 23 too.

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about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • pylorns : Check your email I sent you information. He's much older than 23 too.... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Oooh. now, now... praytell me MORE about this potential suitor, Mr. Pylorns! Does he have a sexy Sou... [go]
  • pylorns : No green card, although I do have a candidate who is single whom you'd might like.... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Pylorns: PIEHORNS! I'm very glad that you too are wired again. How's Texas, Cowboy? Found me a Green... [go]
  • pylorns : Hey, you're back! Wait so is wetwired! ... [go]
  • SilverSabre : I was not the tag? :'( *cries softly*... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Bugger... I had typed a comment and it evaporated - pfoof... ANYWAY - what I was saying was I moved... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Why, mkichael! Fancy meeting you here! I'm terribly glad that you think I have thoughts, because th... [go]
  • mkichael : Yes, it would be terrible if you were to inflict more Red thoughts on the world via your blog. So I... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: TimmyT: Regarding getting answers without questions... It's almost just as liberating as Médecins/Re... [go]
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