Thank goodneth 'Four' doethn't contain an eth!

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Hi everybody.

I'm writing here today to tell you that I'm four today and my momma ith too thad and buthy to write here, tho here I am.

She doethn't know that I know she ith thad, but I know. Even if you are only four - ethpecially if you are only four - you can tell. She trieth to hide it from me. She thinkth I can't hear her crying thometimeth, late at night, but I can.

I might only be a four-year old blog, but I'm not thtupid. (Even if my lithping might make me thound that way. I know it ith annoying, but hey, I can't help it, okay? I'm only four! Oh, and by the way, ithn't it jutht downright cruel that the word lithp containth an eth?)

I thometimeth wish that she would trutht me and write it all out on here. But I don't think she hath the thtrength.

And we all know that she ith lazy and tho, jutht like the cobblerth kidth are never shod, the writer'th blog-baby will never be written on!

But don't worry. Dethpite her occasional dark and thad moodth, we're not doing too badly, her and I. Yeth, she ith thtill a neglectful blog momma - I'm not about to nominate her for Mother of the Year or anything - but at leatht we are okay.

We are thtill living in our little room. But at leatht it ith ourth, you know? And didn't that other writer woman, Virginia Jackal I think her name wath, thaid that every woman needth a room of her own?

Tho yeth. The plathe ith hardly a cathtle, but we aren't exactly living in complete thqualour either. 

Momma ith altho thtill, miraculouthly, paying our rent with money that she earnth from writing.

We've had a hard year, but thingth have been looking up and I have faith that it will continue to go even better.

Oh, who am I kidding? You all know that my mom didn't even GET a glath, let alone a half-full or half-empty one! And the apple, unfortunately, didn't fall all that far from the tree. To thay that Momma and I are a tad pethimithtic would be underthtating it. Not even our blood typeth are pothitive!

But I watch Oprah and I've theen thothe showth about The Thecret, tho I am going to try it.

Who knowth? Maybe I can Thecret my momma into becoming a good writer? Maybe I would even be able to Thecret another boy into her life? (She claimth she doethn't want 'a rat bathtard man' - yeah, that ith exactly how she thayth it (only without my lithp, of courthe) - in her life 'ever EVER again', but I'm sure she'll change her mind if a nithe one cometh along.) 

She needth a bit of exthitment in her life. Maybe THEN she'll have thomething to blog about! Thomething more riveting than my rethent abduction (well, thort of), or about how she hath almotht broken me a few timeth. (Thank you, Aunty Dee, for thaving me time and time again! May I pleathe come and live with you and the cat in Authtralia? No? Aunty Em, can I pleathe come back to the country of my birth and live with you in Houthton then? I promithe I won't mutter: "Houthton, we have a problem!" over and over. Well, maybe jutht for the firtht week, but then the novelty will wear off and I'll find other annoying mantrath.)

And maybe, JUTHT maybe, I will then have a fighting chanthe of thurviving for at leatht four more yearth!

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6 Comments

My blog will be four soon as well. Perhaps we should arrange a playdate?!

SilverSabre said:

*pats the lil squirt on the head*

Congrats on turning four. Your gift is a free session with a speech therapist. damn.

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Hey, I didn't say no! of COURSE you can come and live here.. we'd love to have you. You'd have to live under the table, of course, there's not a lot of room...

Oh, and I'm impressed by your vocabulary... You're the only four year old I know who uses the word squalor... very good little blog, very good!

pylorns said:

And, after this evening I've posted the podcast where we talk about your 4th year blogaversary... amonug other things.

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Hey Red,

Checked out the podcast, nice to hear your voice again! Been a while!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Dee: I'm sooo sorry that you were subjected to that... Again!

Py: Too late to edit me out?

Dee again: I, Redthaid the blog, don't need a lot of room. I'm sure that the thpathe under your table will therefore be more than adequate for me to live in. It ith surely far more room than I currently have! Unfortunately though, that won't do for Redthaid the perthon... In fact, I don't even think Thydney Opera Houthe ith large enou...AAARGHHHHH!

Silver: The blog wanted to thank you for the birthday wishes, but it has been... temporarily disabled.

Aunty: Sure, if you promise not to nick our knickers! (It is orange, just like the skin on this blog.) :-)

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Dee: I'm sooo sorry that you were subjected to that... Again! Py: Too late to edit me out? Dee ag... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Hey Red, Checked out the podcast, nice to hear your voice again! Been a while! ... [go]
  • pylorns : And, after this evening I've posted the podcast where we talk about your 4th year blogaversary... am... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Hey, I didn't say no! of COURSE you can come and live here.. we'd love to have you. You'd have to l... [go]
  • SilverSabre : *pats the lil squirt on the head* Congrats on turning four. Your gift is a free session with a spee... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : My blog will be four soon as well. Perhaps we should arrange a playdate?!... [go]
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