And I didn't even have to eat a single worm

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Over the past month, I've received thousands of imaginary e-mails from my scores of imaginary readers, checking on my well-being.

In their phantom missives, they said they were alarmed because I've been a bit quiet, even for me, the official World's Laziest Blogger title-holder.

It's true. But this time, I assure you, my silence was not JUST due to the usual laziness required to retain my World's Laziest Blogger title.

Believe it or not, but I've actually been doing a lot of behind-the-scenes writing, because (and I KNOW you won't believe this) I have miraculously been asked to be a part of this, which is described as "
South Africa's first online reality show featuring six of the country's hottest young female storytellers...and your votes. Six weeks, six women, six twists and one ultimate winner."

I am absolutely amazed and astounded and yes, very VERY honoured that the likes of me has been included in this group. Yes, just as with the Blog Awards, I'm convinced that I'm only there because of a tremendous oversight or some glitch in the time/space continuum. Proof? The words "hottest" and "young" put anywhere in a sentence near my name.

So here's how it works: We were each assigned a real-life, ambient element and asked to write a fictitious short story of five chapters long. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, not quite. You see, not only do our stories have to have a twist at the end, but our twists have to directly involve the assigned ambient element. Trust me, this caused me to resort to a lot of binge drinki... hyperventilate. And break out in hives, for good measure.

The contest kicked off two weeks ago and is playing out on the official website. Every week, a different writer's story is featured. It is pure, delicious torture for those reading along (and we weren't privy to each others' stories beforehand, so I can tell you, I've been getting so swept up in the amazing writing, at times I forget that they are my competitors! And actually, I'd rather not think about that aspect of it, because then I break into hives all over again!), because every day - beginning on a Monday - only one chapter is published. On the Friday, the final installment of a story is published, culminating in the real life event happening somewhere in the country. Cool, huh?

Readers get to vote for their favourite (only one vote per reader) and since the prize is a cool R10 000 (yes, THOUSAND) and since my story will only be featured during the final week and you'll therefore only have one day to vote for me, I'm hoping that you will have forgotten all the other amazing stories by that time and that you'll therefore only cast your precious votes in my favour, making me a winning, RICH author!

Ah, THAT is probably why I was approached to take part in this. Because my imagination is clearly infused with delusions of grandeur.

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10 Comments

SilverSabre said:

You already know you have my vote.

How on earth do websites like this make money (they have to, assuming the creators are entrepreneurs??)

And Isn't it just a bit unfair that the voting works like that? I been thinking about it and its like the last person has the Least chance of winning....or am i missing something??

SS

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Hey Silver: Awww, thanks, man! If you manage to secure me at least ten thousand other votes and I win, then I can finally start to pay you back for all those OTHER times in the past when I had successfully bribed you to vote for me with the promise of a non-lucrative IOU. *Grins*

As for the voting process: I'm not quite sure why it was done this way. But since they've made it quite clear that there are six of us taking part over six weeks, one can only hope that people will read all the stories before deciding which one they like best and casting their votes.

And oh yeah, trust YOU to be the one to wonder how they make money!!! A material boy, are we? "Well," she says self-righteously, "I don't know and I don't care, because I'm an aaahtist."

At least, that's how I try to explain to myself why I'm poverty-stricken. But alas, I've discovered much to my dismay that even artists need to eat and pay rent. WHICH IS WHY I'LL NEED ALL THE VOTES THAT I CAN GET!!!

hey... I have marked in my diary the day I will vote for you!

Awaiting your next email installment... will update my blog soon... promise

Terra Shield said:

That's ultra cool... Good luck!! I'd vote too if folks outside SA were allowed to. Are they?

Anyway, I've been lurking around your blog for some time now, but leaving a comment for the first time.

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Aunty (who is now an actual Aunty for the first time! Congrats again, by the way): For a change I wrote an e-mail before I responded to a comment. But no worries about responding. Take your time. I know you've your hands more full than usual this week. (Does your new nephew (newphew for short... or not...) outweigh your thesis? *Grins*)

As for marking your diary to vote. Thank you! I feel like Obama!

TERRA! Welcome!!! Do you know that you are my first official delurker?!? I feel sooo honoured!

And YES, voting is open for foreigners. Thank goodness, because all of my three readers (well, four now, with you joining the ranks) reside abroad. So yes, please, feel free to vote! And again, welcome...

Marco said:

I'll just skip all the other stories and wait for yours :-) Definitely have my vote. I'll settle for a Chai Latte when you win ;-)

pylorns said:

When is the day when your story will be up?

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Marco: Yes, I'd rather you all skip all the amazing writing by the others. In fact, don't even bother reading mine! Just vote for me! (And get all your friends, family, dogs and cats to vote for me too! :-D) Hey, a Chai Latte will be awesome, thanks, but won't it get cold on the plane... oh, hang on. You meant I'm supposed to buy YOU a coffee! It's a deal. I'll buy you a coffee, but you need to come and get it in Stellenbosch!

Py: I'm not quite sure yet. Will let you all know a bit closer to the time. But the fourth writer's story begins tomorrow, so I'm assuming I'll be on two weeks from now. If you register on the canyoutwist.com website, you'll receive all the installments of the remaining stories via e-mail every day.

Jeanne said:

Hi doll!

Always nice to know the competition ;-) Best of luck with your story, and just btw, although the website does not make it clear, people actually have SIX votes, one for each story. So you can vote for three and against three or for all six or whatever. It's been causing endless confusion and I don't know why they don't spell it out properly maar nou ja. May the best "bright young thing" win :)

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Jeanne! If it isn't the famous Cooksister herself!

Thanks for the luck, girl. I need it, what with competing against the likes of YOU! And thank you also for clearing up the confusion surrounding the voting process. That was enormously helpful!

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about
is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)

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comments
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Jeanne! If it isn't the famous Cooksister herself! Thanks for the luck, girl. I need it, what with... [go]
  • Jeanne : Hi doll! Always nice to know the competition ;-) Best of luck with your story, and just btw, altho... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Marco: Yes, I'd rather you all skip all the amazing writing by the others. In fact, don't even bothe... [go]
  • pylorns : When is the day when your story will be up?... [go]
  • Marco : I'll just skip all the other stories and wait for yours :-) Definitely have my vote. I'll settle for... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Aunty (who is now an actual Aunty for the first time! Congrats again, by the way): For a change I wr... [go]
  • Terra Shield : That's ultra cool... Good luck!! I'd vote too if folks outside SA were allowed to. Are they? Anyway... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : hey... I have marked in my diary the day I will vote for you! Awaiting your next email installment.... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Silver: Awww, thanks, man! If you manage to secure me at least ten thousand other votes and I wi... [go]
  • SilverSabre : You already know you have my vote. How on earth do websites like this make money (they have to, ass... [go]
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