Campaigning harder than Barack Obama at a KKK gathering

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I've appointed a campaign manager (well, 'appoint' would imply that she 1) is getting paid 2) had a choice in the matter - but let's not get bogged down by too many minor or major technicalities) to help take me through these final, bleak hours of my futile campaign.

So here, almost verbatim-ly (ED: Is that even a WORD? RED: If you MUST know, the -ly add-on is my attempt at doing an Irish lilt) in her words, is my final plea...

“If I win the Can You Twist competition I, Red, will ensure a brighter future for the world’s children. (RED: And dogs. ED: ... RED: Shut up!) Everyone who wants to work will have a job, and everyone that wants to lounge around and do nothing will get to do that as well, while getting paid.

I, Red, pledge to lower taxes, cholesterol, and the common denominator. They said it couldn’t get lower… I say THEY HAVEN’T TRIED HARD ENOUGH.

So vote for me, Red*, in the Can You Twist competition today, because if you don’t someone else might win and fuck** up your life completely.

Paid for by the People Who Loaned Money to Red and Now Need It Back, But Won’t Get It Unless She Wins Foundation."

*My real, and most unfortunate name, is the one that almost looks like 'bagel', but isn't pronounced even remotely the same as bagel. You need to know that for voting purposes. But just to be clear, my name is NOT Alice, Jeanne, Bridget, Laurian or Nikki...

**Apparently that word is Irish for muck. Because she is Irish. With 110% pure Guinness coursing through her veins to prove it.

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6 Comments

SilverSabre said:

LOL

Already voted for ya.

Now be a good lass and get me a pint o lager...theres a dear..

SS

ps just so u know the captcha text was "kkmkkk"

If you win I'm putting my 'job' as your campaign manager on my CV! I'll probably put it on if you don't as well.

Having just read the last installment of the last story I now see how they paid for all this. It's a fairly clever marketing campaign.. depending on the reach of all this I suppose.

Still though yours is the best story... and I would say that even if I was't your campaign manager.

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Unashamed plugging now activated at SingularScene as well.

Po said:

Red

If you lower the tone, then I will definitely vote for you :)

Jeanne said:

Well done, dude!

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Jeanne : Well done, dude!... [go]
  • Po : Red If you lower the tone, then I will definitely vote for you :)... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Unashamed plugging now activated at SingularScene as well. ... [go]
  • pylorns : W0rd up.... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : If you win I'm putting my 'job' as your campaign manager on my CV! I'll probably put it on if you do... [go]
  • SilverSabre : LOL Already voted for ya. Now be a good lass and get me a pint o lager...theres a dear.. SS ps j... [go]
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