It was much worse than it sounded and it sounded REALLY bad

I consult it daily, and according to it (and Dr. Google) I suffer from everything under the sun. Except hypochondria.

But when I’m seriously ill/injured, I go into prompt denial.

An example: Years ago, when I still lived in that distant land of stars and bars, I burned myself. I’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say it was a grooming experiment gone horribly awry, involving my extremely sensitive (and - it needs to be said, because oh, the irony - hairless) upper inner arm extended towards a microwave oven unwisely situated on top of a refrigerator, and a pot of scalding hair removal wax.

My brain, never renowned for displays of particular logic, somehow didn’t compute that a pot of wax, when heated in the microwave for 10 minutes instead of the recommended 10 seconds (another malfunction of above-mentioned brain) would be entirely liquefied (like water, really), and not the thick molasses which refused to spill from the pot when the pot was tilted or even daringly dangled upside down before it went into the microwave oven. Therefore that brain didn’t register that the wax, when removed quickly from said microwave oven and then dropped from that height, would liberally spill onto upper arm and some other unfortunate body parts that happened to be in the path of its rapid descent to earth and inflict serious second and, in some places, even third degree burns.

I spent the rest of that night and almost the rest of the day in a state of delirium and torturous pain. When the boy finally coaxed me into a coat (it was February in the Northern Hemisphere) and into the Emergency Room, the horrified nurses and doctor all had one refrain: “Why didn’t you immediately call 911?”

This was in 2002. I still have several nasty scars as a reminder of my bravery stupidity.

Forward to late August 2008. I begin to cough. It is annoying and increasingly painful, but I studiously ignore it by turning up the jazz station on my radio.

Days go by. Then weeks. Instead of diminishing, the cough gets worse. People begin to dive for cover whenever I hack.

Finally, last week Tuesday, five weeks after the Commencement of the Coughing of '08, I drag my sorry carcass off to the doctor.

“Urghhhh *cough cough COUGH* arrrgh oorgh,” I wheezed and sputtered in response to her question of what she could do for me.

“Don’t speak!” she immediately ordered (and the whole of Stellenbosch, I suspect, heaved a sigh of relief upon hearing the likes of me receiving that command).

After a thorough examination involving a stethoscope, microscope and even my horoscope, she diagnosed me with pneumonia!

PNEUMONIA! As if I’m a delicate, fragile heroine in a Jane Austin novel!

I was one sheepskin slippered foot away from being hospitalised, but since I’m a poverty-stricken writer, the bug-infested state hospital would have been my only option.

“You’ll die there.” My sister solemnly declared.

I demanded a second opinion, but she told me to shut it (do you notice the running theme?) and put me to bed at her house, which is where I’ve been ever since, taking hundreds of pills (and never mind horse pills, these things were the size of actual ponies) and putting the moan in pneumonia.

*While I wheeze, sputter and cough my way to recovery (which seems to be taking its sweet time, just like the indefinitely delayed arrival of spring here in the Cape Town area), some pimping of and campaigning on behalf of my friends are in order: Redsaid’s very own resident web goddess (she’s had no choice in the matter), the lovely Dee, is taking part of a photography contest. Her contribution, a stunning micro-close-up of a weird but gorgeous Australian plant, is up on this site and she needs all of our votes to win some cool Canon gear. Go read this entry on her blog to see the pic that needs to be voted on and to find out exactly what needs to be done, but PLEASE come through for her?

Then, other loyal friend SilverSabre has been designing cool and clever t-shirts for SpringLeap’s monthly t-shirt design contest. Please visit his page here and vote on his designs? He could make some money! And really, that’s something we all need a little more of these days, isn’t it?