December 2008 Archives

... Because I seemed to have caught a serious strain of a bug and it might be contagious.

This bug is so awful, its existence isn't even noted in my beloved Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia. But I can tell you from horrible experience that the very real symptoms include irritability, fatigue, depression, homicidal/suicidal tendencies, and vehement hatred of tinsel and carols. (Except when said carols are disguised as jazz standards sung by Diana Krall. Then it is actually more than tolerable.)

So yes, women, it's basically identical to having an extreme and ongoing case of PMS.

And ongoing it is. This affliction seems to strike annually around the end of November, lasting through the entire December, and peaking on the 25th. It's called the Bah Humbug! and really, it can get people killed.

And I'm not just referring to the sufferers...

Roll on, January! I beg you.
Finally falling asleep with the reading light on only to be woken up by a moth viciously dive-bombing your face...

My. Shattered. Nerves.

(Note to moth: I'm too old to be classified as 'glowing'. So WHY did you pick me? Is it because my large, pale, round face is just so damn impossible to miss?)

I have to tell you though: maybe it's this all-consuming fatigue (I'm literally nodding off with double shots of espresso still in my mouth... and before you suggest that I actually ingest it, let me mention that I'm talking about my tenth cup in about two hours), but I'm feeling a bit less glum about everything. (Won't help anyway, will it? My anger and depression won't cause the stolen goodies to magically reappear.) Here's what I wrote a friend about the burglary:

This past weekend, some of the less fortunate paid us a visit here at my sister and brother-in-law's farm house for some early holiday gift selecting. They did really well for themselves! (In fact, one can almost say that they made out like regular bandits!) Apart from the really cool, expensive electronics they took, they even scored some instant cash and wallets. We were present as it happened, but luckily they didn't require our assistance, and we were left to sleep undisturbed...

Now if only the moth can be as considerate as the burglars! Wait... maybe he (she? It?) was SENT by the burglars?!? I'm not kidding, that thing had a tremendous wingspan. I'm convinced that mam-moth (har har) would have been able to transport another laptop out of here on just one wing and not even with the assistance of a prayer... 

As all three of my imaginary readers now know, we were burglarised here at my brother-in-law and sister's farm house over the weekend. You can read all the gory details (including how we were sleeping inside the house while it was happening) right here.

Needless to say, we've been on edge ever since. Last night, I think we each must have 'double-checked' that all windows and doors were locked and secure at least a hundred times.

I finally fell asleep at around 1 this morning. At around three, I was plucked from dreamland by the incessant ringing of the house alarm.

I was immediately overcome with fear and dread. I couldn't even yell out to my brother-in-law and sister, because I'm on the OTHER side of the house. In fact, in a different apartment, where my brother-in-law's dad used to live. It's attached to the house and connected to their house with an interior door, but there is still a huge space between me and them. In fact, whoever stays here has a different alarm, key pad and code. My alarm was armed but not sounding, meaning that, mercifully, no one else but me was in the apartment.

Not long after it had been triggered, the house alarm abruptly stopped. You know how a repetitive, loud sound continues to echo in your head even after it has ceased? Well, in the same way, the ghost of that alarm still rang out in my head for a few minutes before vanishing into the eerie silence that had descended on the house.

About half an hour after that rude awakening, just as I was about to doze off again, someone rang the bell at the gate, making me jump all over again. I dared to get out of bed to check the monitor (yes, they're jacked up like Fort Knox around here, and yet, despite that, the bastards had still managed to get in over the weekend...). It was the security company. A few minutes later, I heard muffled voices and footsteps as my brother-in-law accompanied them on a patrol around the house.

One can't jump to conclusions, of course, but all signs point to it that the same burglars may have actually come back last night. Unless it was a GIGANTIC bird - of ostrich proportions...

Lame jokes aside, we DID even check to see if it couldn't perhaps have been the dogs and their night time roaming that had somehow triggered the alarm, but no, it definitely was an adult-sized someone.

After combing through hours and hours of video footage taped by the security cameras, my brother-in-law made the disheartening and frustrating discovery that the camera trained on the window where they had gotten in on Saturday? Is, for some reason, NOT RECORDING. It is supposed to record all motion...

"Had this been the United States," steamed my brother-in-law, "I would have been able to sue these camera guys, right?"

I almost replied that most ordinary, middle-class folk in the United States don't HAVE security cameras installed at their houses, but something in his eyes made me refrain. Instead I just said: "Yes. For millions."

And I actually wish that it could be true. Because, dammit, someone needs to pay for the fact that I'm exhausted but too downright terrified to sleep!    

On Friday night, we were robbed.

I don't have the strength to rewrite the post, or even to copy and paste it, so if you really want to know what happened, you can read it here.
RS*: "We need to talk."

RSTB**: "Oh?"

RS: "Yes..."

RSTB: "So wait... when you say "we", do you think that I have anything to talk to YOU about?"

RS: "Please don't get so technical? You always do this! Over-analysing everything. It's quite annoying."

RSTB: *Sulks* "Fine, what do YOU have to talk to ME about? Can't you just write it down and press send like you always do when you wish to communicate?"

RS: "Funny you should put it that way, because that actually kind of ties in with what I have to tell you."

RSTB: "Oh?"

RS: "Yes. You see... I'm... well... I have not been exclusive with you."

RSTB: "What do you mean?"

RS: "There's been another..."


RS: "Wait, calm down... it's not what you think."

RSTB: "FIRST of all, do NOT tell me what I think. You can't POSSIBLY know what I think. Besides, you've never CARED about MY thoughts. You've only ever used me to channel your own precious thoughts. Well, honey, I've news for you. Your thoughts? They ain't so precious, baby! Also? What will you tell me next? That 'it's not me, it's you...'?"

RS: "No."

RSTB: "WELLTHATISJU... What? So it IS me then, is it?"

RS: "No, of COURSE not. Would you please just listen to me? I strayed out of necessity, see?"

RSTB: "Oh, right, the 'I have absolutely no impulse control' excuse?"

RS: "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but you leave me no choice. I'm doing it for US. That one gives me a bit of money, see, and so..."

RSTB: "Why, you little materialistic cow..."

RS: "Did you just call me LITTLE? Thank you!! Okay, seriously... not a lot of money, understand, but enough for me to be able to keep you. See? I told you, I'm doing it for us, because I'd really like to keep us together. And this way I can actually afford your upkeep, because, well... you're not cheap."

RSTB: "And here I've been under the impression that romance was dead!"

*RS: Redsaid
**RSTB: Redsaid the Blog
*Edited to say: I am so ashamed. The first time around, I linked to the WRONG BLOG! (I guess that kind of makes us even now? Naah, I'll still delight in tarnishing her reputation as a novice blogger by associating her with the likes of me!)

**Edited yet again to say: And now the title of this blog post isn't even applicable anymore, because she has changed her blogging name to Silverspoon! (She had to, there was already a Foodjunkie on on the FoodBlogs.24.)

The foodjunkie first popped up in my comments box circa 2005.

I could tell from the e-mail address that it was someone from my 'real life'. It was such a pleasant surprise to discover that she was actually reading this. (Well, yes, her, or ANYONE really.)

I was still in the United States at that time, and had not seen her in a number of years.

Now I'm back in South Africa and we see each other often.

Still, I'm thrilled that she has finally decided to start a blog!

I would tell you that we are related, her and I, but no one would believe me. She's far prettier, for one. Also, people can't believe that a girl who can cook as amazingly well as she does, can POSSIBLY share DNA with the likes of one who manages to burn water. (Me, in case you need a reminder.)

Then again, perhaps it's high time that I avenge the fact that I was already notorious by association when I entered high school, thanks to this very sister of mine!

P.S. I'm so glad nothing newsworthy seems to be going on anywhere in the world. I can't think of any other conceivable reason for one of my blog entries ending up on MSN South Africa again!

is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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