Do you know what's even worse than being woken up by the house alarm a few days after you were robbed?

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Finally falling asleep with the reading light on only to be woken up by a moth viciously dive-bombing your face...

My. Shattered. Nerves.

(Note to moth: I'm too old to be classified as 'glowing'. So WHY did you pick me? Is it because my large, pale, round face is just so damn impossible to miss?)

I have to tell you though: maybe it's this all-consuming fatigue (I'm literally nodding off with double shots of espresso still in my mouth... and before you suggest that I actually ingest it, let me mention that I'm talking about my tenth cup in about two hours), but I'm feeling a bit less glum about everything. (Won't help anyway, will it? My anger and depression won't cause the stolen goodies to magically reappear.) Here's what I wrote a friend about the burglary:

This past weekend, some of the less fortunate paid us a visit here at my sister and brother-in-law's farm house for some early holiday gift selecting. They did really well for themselves! (In fact, one can almost say that they made out like regular bandits!) Apart from the really cool, expensive electronics they took, they even scored some instant cash and wallets. We were present as it happened, but luckily they didn't require our assistance, and we were left to sleep undisturbed...

Now if only the moth can be as considerate as the burglars! Wait... maybe he (she? It?) was SENT by the burglars?!? I'm not kidding, that thing had a tremendous wingspan. I'm convinced that mam-moth (har har) would have been able to transport another laptop out of here on just one wing and not even with the assistance of a prayer... 

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Is it bad that I found your tale about the moth as frightening as the burglary?! Is still break out in the sweat when I pass a town called Straffan, where my dad took us to a 'butterfly farm' one sunday when we were little. This contained giant moths flying at your head. It seems to me the purpose of moths is to fly at your head.... shudder

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : Is it bad that I found your tale about the moth as frightening as the burglary?! Is still break out ... [go]
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