My Cheatin' Clichéd Heart

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RS*: "We need to talk."

RSTB**: "Oh?"

RS: "Yes..."

RSTB: "So wait... when you say "we", do you think that I have anything to talk to YOU about?"

RS: "Please don't get so technical? You always do this! Over-analysing everything. It's quite annoying."

RSTB: *Sulks* "Fine, what do YOU have to talk to ME about? Can't you just write it down and press send like you always do when you wish to communicate?"

RS: "Funny you should put it that way, because that actually kind of ties in with what I have to tell you."

RSTB: "Oh?"

RS: "Yes. You see... I'm... well... I have not been exclusive with you."

RSTB: "What do you mean?"

RS: "There's been another..."


RS: "Wait, calm down... it's not what you think."

RSTB: "FIRST of all, do NOT tell me what I think. You can't POSSIBLY know what I think. Besides, you've never CARED about MY thoughts. You've only ever used me to channel your own precious thoughts. Well, honey, I've news for you. Your thoughts? They ain't so precious, baby! Also? What will you tell me next? That 'it's not me, it's you...'?"

RS: "No."

RSTB: "WELLTHATISJU... What? So it IS me then, is it?"

RS: "No, of COURSE not. Would you please just listen to me? I strayed out of necessity, see?"

RSTB: "Oh, right, the 'I have absolutely no impulse control' excuse?"

RS: "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but you leave me no choice. I'm doing it for US. That one gives me a bit of money, see, and so..."

RSTB: "Why, you little materialistic cow..."

RS: "Did you just call me LITTLE? Thank you!! Okay, seriously... not a lot of money, understand, but enough for me to be able to keep you. See? I told you, I'm doing it for us, because I'd really like to keep us together. And this way I can actually afford your upkeep, because, well... you're not cheap."

RSTB: "And here I've been under the impression that romance was dead!"

*RS: Redsaid
**RSTB: Redsaid the Blog

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P said:

A jealous blog, hey? Just tell her she looks beautiful in red. Oops she can read this, can't she?

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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  • P : A jealous blog, hey? Just tell her she looks beautiful in red. Oops she can read this, can't she?... [go]
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