And Jack and I? We're not off to a good start...

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Wow. Perhaps I should have publicly stated that I don't have a life a long time ago.

(Okay, yes, ha ha... I said 'publicly' while implying this blog. Who am I kidding, right? Anyway, kindly pretend to humour me as usual for the 'sake of this argument.)

I swear I was going to start with the Jack Project today*. But then... BUT THEN!

I suddenly - and this - as a number of any of the characters Reese Witherspoon has ever portrayed on film would say with a Southern draaaawl - well, whaddayaknow, it's just the DAAAARRRRNDEST thang... I suddenly seemed to GET A LIFE!

I just got back from a fabulous, wine-soaked dinner at Ma'noush - a fine Lebanese establishment here in Stellenbosch. So wine-soaked, in fact, that its status has been elevated from fabulous to downright fabuloush. My head is fuzzy and pleasantly spinning as I'm typing this, so please be kind and overlook all spellling errors. (Go figure, I get a red squiggly line every time I type Stellenbosch, but not on the three l's of spellling. So much for trying to be ironic!)

And! As if me actually being out and about on ANY night (never mind a WEDNESDAY night) isn't remarkable enough, the promise of INTER PROVINCIAL travel has ALSO come up today!

(Trust me, for a girl who hasn't actually left the Western Cape Province of South Africa since February 2006? This is indeed a noteworthy event.)

Luckily, Mr. Heffron, I see that our first exercise is merely that you require me to... and I quote... show up. "Writer Thomas McGuane goes to his study at a certain time every day and stays there for a scheduled length of time," you write in your "The Writer's Idea Book". "He sits at his desk. "I don't have to write," he explains, "but I can't do anything else." Try this approach for a week, scheduling a specific period of time, during which you must sit at your desk or wherever you write. You don't have to write, but you can't do anything else."

Really, Mr. Heffron? Not even play Spider Solitaire or sip coffee?

Okay, kidding. I will take this seriously, I swear. And this bodes well if the first exercise in a How-To write book doesn't involve actual writing. Why, it actually appeals to my lazy nature! Because wouldn't you know, but as it is, I do spend hours and hours daily just staring at a blank screen, frozen with fear and inadequacy! And here I was worried that this was going to be like... difficult or something!

I was going to protest when you said "sit at your desk", but then you redeemed yourself immediately afterwards when you said "or wherever you write." So my bed will do then, right? That's about the only on-the-job perk that I currently enjoy (and the only one I have in common with hookers, but never mind): staying in bed.

The one thing that I DO have a problem with though, is the 'scheduling a specific period of time to do all this sitting around and not writing but not doing anything else either' in. Because you see, for a girl who has no life (and I SWEAR I usually don't. Today was just a complete fluke!) I may already have some scheduling conflicts. You see, I want to say 10 at night. But what if I get invited out again!? And the threat of that actually happening has become VERY REAL, I'll have you know! Then I might not be home by 10 to sit around and do nothing. And at 10 in the morning? Well, we all know that I'm extremely incoherent (or more so, then) before noon. At 11pm, really, is when I finally get my momentum for the day.

Oof. My hair is starting to hurt a bit now. Going to bed. (Did I mention that the momentum I gain at 11pm wears off at about 11:05ish pm?

*Huh... guess I have accidentally started with the project on time after all, then! I look forward to the next no-writing writing exercise!  

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SilverSabre said:

Well if it means more of your writing I don't mind if you spend all ur time in bed with Jack :P

Po said:

Heehee you party animal. It seems like you are way ahead on Jack's exercises.

Cool post!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Silver: You see, sweetie, I have finally realised that you don't have any designs on me... only on SpringLeap! Seriously though, see what happens to me when you snub me for so long on Gtalk? So yes, this whole messy Jack affair is basically all YOUR fault!

Po: Alas, no... I'm already behind! You see, I've just discovered that there are MORE than 400 prompts in the book!!!! Trust me to have missed where it said that... RIGHT ON THE FRONT COVER OF THE BOOK!!!!!!!!

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Silver: You see, sweetie, I have finally realised that you don't have any designs on me... only on S... [go]
  • Po : Heehee you party animal. It seems like you are way ahead on Jack's exercises. Cool post!... [go]
  • SilverSabre : Well if it means more of your writing I don't mind if you spend all ur time in bed with Jack :P... [go]
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