Showing Up and Showing Off About It.

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Look Jack! I showed up!

Of course, since the first exercise merely states that I need to show up at a certain time daily for a week and that I don't have to write but I can't do anything else either, I could have just as easily not blogged for a week.

In fact, I could've bummed around every night for a week, doing LOTS of other things instead of writing... like... errrm... playing Spider Solitaire, and scarfing down snacks, and twiddling my thumbs, and - oooh, how rebellious - reading a BOOK... and TOLD you next week that I was here staring at the screen every night at the same time not necessarily writing but definitely not doing anything else either... and you would have had absolutely no choice but to take my (unwritten) word for it!

But look at me! Here I am! I don't know what's overcome me... Maybe I HAVE been abducted by former illegal aliens to be taken back to the Land of the Undocumented? Because normally I'm so commitment phobic, I can hardly stand to live with myself, but for some obscure reason, I'm taking this commitment to you very seriously.

So yes, I've decided to be all honourable about it and prove to you that I'm going to show up at 11ish every evening.

Also? I've just had a good look at this "The Writer's Idea Book" of yours, which, as you'll recall, is the entire reason for me being here right now. And look, I'll be the first to admit that maths has never been my strong suit. In fact, it's not my suit at all. I'm so terrible at numbers? I don't even possess the capacity to memorise my own phone number.

But despite all of my - what's the amount when you have no knowledge about something again? Oh, right, zero. See? Told you. So yes, despite my being severely numerically challenged? Even I have realised with more than a bit of alarm that your book contains 400 exercises. And the year only has 365 days.

Which has the potential to mean several things: I'm doomed and will never get done on time, so I might as well quit this entire hare-brained project right now.
I will have to do more than one exercise... per day...

(I can't believe I just wrote that... Jackie... WHAT have you done to me?)

So yes, I suppose I have no choice but to proceed. Right. Now.

Red opens "The Writer's Idea Book" with a certain amount of dread. This is the next exercise (or prompt, as Jack prefers to call it, probably because he knew how averse some of his students would be to the word 'exercise'): "List the positive messages you have received about writing or about any creative undertaking. What did people say?"

Oh, Jack... do we REALLY need to go there? This will be traumatic, man.

"She is the only student I have EVER encountered in my entire 100-years of teaching who tried to take a short cut with this assignment." - Mrs. Van Emmenis, Grade 1 teacher. It's a direct quote from the comment she had scribbled in red ink in my writing 101 book next to the line where I was supposed to have painstakingly copied out the letter 'm'. I must've grown tired after making the first two m's, and the line in that exercise book suddenly seemed way too long and daunting to fill up with even MORE m's. So I simply wrote one EXTREMELY fat m, which I stretched out across the rest of the line. 

Like thusly:

Writing 101.jpgOops. Wait... messed up the picture.

Let's try this again.

Writing 101.jpg

So yes, that was among my very first bits of writing, and I took that first critique of it very very hard.

Okay, the prompt isn't done yet. Here's what Jack wants to know now: "How did they say it?"

Jackie, I already TOLD you. She used the angry red ink.

What's that? OHHHH, you meant WRITING and not HANDwriting!

Well, shucks man, you should've said so! Don't make your prompts so long! I've always despised multiple-question commands, because halfway through, I invariably figure out that I had misunderstood it all along.

And, wait... you mean I have just revisited this deeply buried, life-long damaging childhood trauma for NOTHING!?!?

Okay, that's it. I'm done here.

(But I'll probably be back tomorrow. And we both know it, don't we, Jack? For now though, I'm pretending to stomp off in a huff and you are going to pretend to BELIEVE that I'm quitting you and this stoopid project right now and look all deflated-like about it.)

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Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Ok... tried commenting 2x now... seeing if logging into redsaid works...

Deeleea Author Profile Page said:

Wow... if Jack can make you blog for the whole year, I might just have to fall in love with him...

If you haven't already, that is. I don't want to tread on anyone's toes!!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Is my sudden spate of regular blogging what has caused the comments issues? Maybe it got such a fright that it simply froze? Or did I break it with my sudden enthusiasm?:-)

(I could hardly get online yesterday, but more about that later!)

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Is my sudden spate of regular blogging what has caused the comments issues? Maybe it got such a frig... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Wow... if Jack can make you blog for the whole year, I might just have to fall in love with him... ... [go]
  • Deeleea Author Profile Page: Ok... tried commenting 2x now... seeing if logging into redsaid works...... [go]
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