Thissss one issss essspecially for Aunty & Marco

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Hello.

Thissssss isssss the ssssssnake. I'm here to inform you that I have eaten Red. She'ssssssssssss large, ssssssso it took me sssssssseveral hoursssssss to devour her. For my trouble, her hair hassssssss given me a bad casssssse of indigessssssstion and *cough* hairballssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Oh, shut up Cobra.

It's me, loveys. And no, the slimy bastard hasn't gotten me... yet.

However, last night I encountered something which proved to be far more dangerous to my health than any venomous, fork-tongued reptile: two friends and a bottle (or three) of red wine. The one bottle's top collided with my lips... and after that everything became a bit muddled and befuddled. And today the Hangover From Hell has me by the head, pounding the living daylights out of my skull.

The upside about the hangover is that I feel so ill, I don't even CARE about the possible presence of the snake in the house anymore. In fact, right around now, I'd consider a fatal snake bite to my person to be a bit of a merciful favour.

When will I learn that I am, despite my size (SUV), surprisingly light on fuel? 

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8 Comments

Marco said:

Of course, if that be true, and it did take a bite, you could be sited for animal cruelty. Killing a cobra by means of alcohol poisoning ;-)

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Marco, you forgot one thing: In the event that the cobra really does take a nibble from my wine-pickled body, I'd be POSTHUMOUSLY cited for murdering it. (Although, in this case, it would be man(snake?)slaughter.) I'm deriving a lot of consolation from the fact that the Red and the reptile would both be hissssssstory then. Nyahahahahaha.

Hurrah, you're alive. We shall all rejoice... and then you'll shout at us "BE QUIET" because your head hurts!

I reckon you'd survive the snake attack because the venom probably would only work if there was blood left in your alcohol stream, and there's probably none!

Wine kills me too... it's just a evil drink designed solely for the purpose of giving hangovers!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Aunty, as part of my punishment for drowning my sorrows in wine the other night - which then rendered me completely useless yesterday - I'm now drowning in work! That's why I haven't replied to your e-mail yet. (Sorry!) One of the friends who instigated the entire wine-swigging session is adamant that my STILL ongoing headache has absolutely nothing to do with him and his constant, eager refilling of my glass, but everything to do with my own ongoing sleep deprivation. He is house sitting this reptile infested joint with me, but staying safely in the adjacent apartment, far away from where the snake skin was found. So guess which one of us is sleeping more soundly than the other?

One would think the manly, chivalrous thing to do would be to swap sleeping places with you!!

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

The snake has sucked the chivalry right out of him. That's why chivalry is now dead. Har har har. No, I'll be sure to tell him. (Do you hear that, B? What do you have to say in your own, feeble defense?)

Marco said:

I was going to put the 'trouser snake' joke up but I thought I best not... :-)

So, you've been very quiet...

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Marco : I was going to put the 'trouser snake' joke up but I thought I best not... :-) So, you've been very... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : Still alive?... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: The snake has sucked the chivalry right out of him. That's why chivalry is now dead. Har har har. No... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : One would think the manly, chivalrous thing to do would be to swap sleeping places with you!! ... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Aunty, as part of my punishment for drowning my sorrows in wine the other night - which then rendere... [go]
  • Aunty Helpful Dictator : Hurrah, you're alive. We shall all rejoice... and then you'll shout at us "BE QUIET" because your he... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Marco, you forgot one thing: In the event that the cobra really does take a nibble from my wine-pick... [go]
  • Marco : Of course, if that be true, and it did take a bite, you could be sited for animal cruelty. Killing a... [go]
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