More Proof That Mathematics Has Never Been My Strong Suit

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So my neighbour (no, not The Voice. I'm hereby delighted to introduce you to - since I clearly lack originality - The Girl) is over a few nights ago when a promo comes on television advertising the comedy line-up for the week. Since I don't have satellite TV, my pickings are rather slim. And that's putting it kindly. So I usually only get my TV fix when I go to my sister's. The rest of the time I mostly listen to the radio and only watch the news, movies and a few sitcoms now and then.

"Oooh," said I, when a particular promo flashed across the screen. "I like that show! Yes, so the jokes are somewhat predictable, but that boy always cracks me up."

She was fiddling with her phone at the time. One thing you should know about The Girl is that she's almost always fiddling with her phone, because her boyfriend, The Italian Stallion (hey, why break tradition and get original NOW?) lives annoyingly far away which means that they are stuck in a Long Distance Relationship. Truly, no pups in love should find themselves in such a precarious position.

Without looking up from her fiddling thumbs, but in order to still feign interest in whatever it is I'm on about at any given moment in time (a brilliant skill she has honed by learning to pick out select phrases or even individual words I've just used and turning it into a question), she asked: "Mmm? What show?"

"Three And A Half Men," I replied, while making our coffee.

Suddenly I noticed that an eerie silence had descended upon the room. It took me a second or two to realise that it was because the rapid-fire clickity-clacking of her thumbs whirring across her phone's keypad had suddenly stopped.

And then she burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... *drew a hasty breath*.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I looked at her, utterly perplexed but at the same time also rather thrilled that she at LAST seemed to find me funny. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't even tried to make a joke. "Um... why exactly are you laughing?" I asked, with a certain amount of caution.

My puzzlement seemed to set her off even more. "Three And A Half Men?" she asked, when she finally managed to get her breath back.

"Yes, you know, it's that sitcom about the two men and the boy. That whatitsface Sheen is in it."

"Yes, I know," she said. "So... THREE And A Half Men, Red?"

I was about to get all impatient and say something to the effect of: "Yes, that's what I said, why are you being all repetitive?" when I slowly recalculated. An exercise requiring that I counted on my fingers.

Kids, such blatant stupidity is what happens when you don't have Matric Maths. Yes, I went to high school during the Stone Ages, when we still had the option to drop Maths at the end of Standard 7. But I didn't drop it merely because I feared and therefore loathed Maths. I dropped it as a public service. You see, my teacher threatened that, if I wasn't going to quit the subject, she was going to have to quit teaching. And since good teachers were such scarce commodities back then, I felt it was my civic duty to drop it. 

Needless to say, that cheeky The Girl is STILL teasing me about my phantom third man. 

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5 Comments

Marco said:

Amy doesn't get why I find "Two and a half men (+ Red's extra)" so funny... :-)

terrashield said:

Charlie Sheen's character is horribly annoying in that show... but it is funny at times. The kid is my favourite though, especially when he was younger. LOL @ the phantom man, though ;)

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

Marco: Amy is absolutely right. My stupidity's not funny at all. It's a tremendous tragedy!

terra: What, you mean the kid is older already?!? You see, here in SA, we are SO far behind (well, on the non-satellite channels) that the kid is still in his younger version. The Girl thinks I'm dreaming up phantom men because I want one for myself! (She's mistaken. I might only have access to four measly TV channels? But I'm SO not letting any man getting his grubby paws on my remote control!)

terrashield said:

It's probably a later season where the kid's all grown up... well, not grown up to be the 3rd man, but grown up enough to be interested in posters of women in many states of undress... This is on cable, though... I have no idea what's going on in the local channels

Redsaid Author Profile Page said:

terra: You privileged, cable-viewing creature you! I'm so jealous! Good thing I can't afford satellite TV though. I would probably never get anything done! (As it is, my satellite radio is distracting enough!)

Oh, you know who else I like on that show? The housekeeper! She's a total scream.

Since the boy seems to be so grown-up already... perhaps my flub is prophetic. Eventually he'll HAVE to become the third man! The half will probably then be the love child Charlie will have with the housekeeper!

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is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
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comments
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: terra: You privileged, cable-viewing creature you! I'm so jealous! Good thing I can't afford satelli... [go]
  • terrashield : It's probably a later season where the kid's all grown up... well, not grown up to be the 3rd man, b... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Marco: Amy is absolutely right. My stupidity's not funny at all. It's a tremendous tragedy! terra:... [go]
  • terrashield : Charlie Sheen's character is horribly annoying in that show... but it is funny at times. The kid is ... [go]
  • Marco : Amy doesn't get why I find "Two and a half men (+ Red's extra)" so funny... :-)... [go]
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