May 2011 Archives

Apparently my blog is a late bloomer. At the positively ancient age of seven years, it has began displaying shockingly rude behaviour more befitting of a l'enfant terrible of two.

One of my NON-imaginary readers (GASP!) has informed me that she had tried leaving me a comment, only to be met with the following curt response: "Text entered was wrong. Try again."

When I tried, I received the same message!

Either the blog has turned supremely bratty, or it has (belatedly) decided to punish me for all these previous years of extreme neglect by becoming a ruthless editor. Blog, baby, that will be fine, I obviously need the help. But please, learn to channel your anger into the right direction? Do not alienate my lone non-imaginary reader by wrongfully lashing out at her! That's just childish.

Update: Mysteriously, it seems to suddenly be working again now.  But please, dear imaginary (and any other kind) readers, feel free to shower me with praise comments just so that we can be 100% sure!

On this day (or rather, THAT day, since I should've posted this YESTERDAY) in 2004...

Oh, don't worry, kids. Before your eyes automatically glaze over, rest assured: this isn't going to be a history lesson. I don't have the memory to recall anything historic, be it fact or fiction. Gee, I can't even remember what I did last night! And no, sadly, not because I did or somehow imbibed anything remotely fun or funny or illegal. 

Where was I? (See? Can't even remember what I wrote two seconds ago.) Oh, yes. May 28, 2004. The reason that particular date has managed to latch onto that one teeny tiny corner of my memory that is still relatively free of gaping holes, is because this momentous event happened.

Happy seventh(!) birthday, blog! This milestone is significant, because it is officially the longest "relationship" I've ever had with anyone or anything other than family, some friends and dogs.

Seven years is a loooong time in blog years. (I think it is the same amount as it would be in dog years.) No wonder I feel so prematurely aged! This means I'm now a 'veteran' blogger.

My three imaginary readers wanted to know what the secret is to becoming a lasting blogger. I told them the truth: I have no idea.

They didn't seem pleased with my brutal honesty and ignorance, so I've come up with the following "Steps On How To Kinda Maintain A Blog For Seven Years".

- Pace yourself. Don't blog every day. Or every other day. Or even every other week. Try and put a post up every other month, if you're able. But don't force yourself! No need to overdo it and risk creative burn-out (a condition rumoured to be very real and very dangerous)! When you do feel the urge to blog (symptoms include but aren't limited to itchy fingers, sweaty palms, etc.) like a day or week after you've written a post, immediately turn off your computer and go have a cup of coffee. If you can't resist, then fine, write a blog post, but instead of pressing publish when you are done, save it in draft and never ever post it. In my case, this has not been difficult, because I have a natural talent for not posting and not writing. Also, there is no need for me to frequently foul up this gorgeous blog design with my clumsy sentences and sentences within sentences.

- Don't let your domain name/hosting expire. You can forget about your blog for most of the year, as long as you remember it again when it becomes time to renew your domain name and to pay your hosting fees. One of my imaginary readers was greatly distressed when it (imaginary readers are genderless) visited this blog on Friday only to be met with a "this site has been suspended due to neglectful owner who did not renew domain name" type of message. My Fairy Blog Mother, the one who originally hosted this Win-A-Blog contest which landed me this here site, swooped to the rescue. Lovely Emily not only paid the renewal fee for TWO YEARS, but she wants no payment in return. Nada. Zilch. How incredibly kind is she?!? I love her, even though I ought to smoulder with jealousy, because unlike me, she is a GORGEOUS, smoking hot redhead. Super brainy too. Life is very very unfair. (No link to her, because sadly she hasn't had a blog in years. That's because she is too busy having A Life.)

- Of course, the previous step about domain renewal and hosting becomes void if you have a freebie blog at blogger, or Wordpress, or My Digital Life ( where all those things are included in the "free".

And that's it. Easy, really. In order to call yourself a blogger for a really really long time, like me; a blogger whose blog is so neglected that it isn't even part of the actual World Wide Web, but of the World Wide Cobweb (that dark and dusty and cob-webby corner of the Internet where all obscure sites cluster together and languish in infinite, virtual obscurity), whose blog has no actual readers and only three imaginary readers, whose blog has never bagged her a lucrative book-and-movie-deal combo? Then you should simply not blog all that often.

Image: Oh, and this is my sister's birthday cake from last year. She actually baked it herself. She DID bake my blog a cake for its sixth birthday a few months later. It did not look like this at all, but it was just as tasty. I was going to take a picture of it for the blog, but then I promptly suppressed the urge, and just ate it instead.


Happy birthday, blog!


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The 18th of a month has never held any lasting or particular significance for me. No immediate family member or close friend has a birthday on that date. But now, every time the 18th of the month rolls around, it quietly marks another anniversary of the terrible day that you were so violently ripped from us. Will I ever be able to note that particular date without remembering?

A few days ago, on 18 May, we reached the three month mark. Only three months. Already three months! That's an entire season. Yet I still can't believe it. I still can't wrap my mind around the enormity of your loss. I still wake up every day and I am shocked anew when I remember that you're not here anymore. I still have to catch myself when I want to refer to you in the present tense. The shock still takes my breath away.

May has been a major month for anniversaries. On the 3rd, you would have celebrated your 45th birthday. My heartbroken sister baked you a cake (your son insisted that there should be a cake for you, so she really had little choice in the matter), and we sang "Happy Birthday" while trying our best not to choke up as he and his little sister leaned across the table and blew out the candles. I remembered how last year was the first time I had ever been able to give you a proper birthday gift and how horrifically sad I was when I went into the cellar and discovered that you had been saving it for a special occasion.

A few days before your birthday this year, you received an early posthumous birthday gift of sorts. The police caught two - I erroneously called them men before, but while they are male, they are definitely NOT men; more like yellow-bellied bastards - in connection with your murder. The one was actually nabbed for another crime, but then they found the weapon that you were shot to death with among his illegal arsenal. Based on that, and on the DNA evidence linking him and his buddy to your house, the judge denied them bail earlier this week. (We have not been to any of the hearings. My sister has no interest in having to look at any of them. For a nanosecond, I thought about going, but I just couldn't summon the will or the strength either.) A few weeks ago, they caught a third one. His hearing has been postponed until June. The others are still missing. Hiding? Running? Who knows.

On the 11th, it would have been my sister's and your tenth wedding anniversary. That night, I went to visit her as usual, and when I told her what you said and how you reacted last year when I reminded you of this notable date, she laughed through her tears and said: "That's so typical."

I wish you could come back. Life is too strange and depressing and muted without you.

is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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