Alphabet Soup: February 2006 Archives

I’m taking a break from repatriating to bring you the following news.

It’s official: At last I have an excuse for EVERYTHING about me that people find even remotely odd.

I even have a doctor’s note AND, even better yet, a six-month to one-year prescription to back it up.

So the big news is, I’m officially (and therefore it warrants being written in all-caps) DEPRESSED.

This is FANTASTIC news, especially when one considers that my beloved Time/Life A – Z Medical Encyclopedia is still en route somewhere between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn on the Atlantic Ocean, and I have therefore been running out of ideas for diseases I could possibly diagnose myself with (although, according to a gem of a book I have found as a temporary replacement, I’m now convinced that I have a condition called Dyspraxia. But more about that glorious discovery later).

Apart from the somewhat annoying symptom of bursting into tears at inappropriate times, I highly recommend depression.

The fatigue that goes along with it gives one an excellent excuse to stay in bed for days (the part of my life in the US that I miss the most. That, and the Starbucks. And the doughnuts… pardon me, I’m in tears again), and since one is considered to be in a fragile state of mind when DEPRESSED, one is handled with kit-gloves and therefore not criticized for staying in bed for days at a time and for bursting into tears during comedies or dinner. (And my sister is an excellent cook, honestly.)

And then of course, there are The Drugs. That is by far the best thing about being officially DEPRESSED.

Since the doctor was made aware of the fact (in fits and starts, and through even more tears) that I had donated most of my American Dollars to an immigration liar (get it? Ha ha. Oh, and you’d BETTER laugh at my lame puns and attempts at jokes, because I’m DEPRESSED and therefore very fragile, remember?), she came up with a way to medicate me on the cheap. So for a prescription of less than a hundred Rand per month (divide by 6.4, to get the US $ amount), DEPRESSION can be really quite affordable these days.

(Even during these trying times of mental illness, I’m a cheap date!)

So now, in the words of witty folk singer/songwriter Cheryl Wheeler, I leave you to wonder the following about me:

“Is it peace, or is it Prozac?

I'm psychiatric now
It just happened
I don't know how
Life was moving right along
At a reasonable clip
When bang zoom
Lost my grip
And I'm psychiatric now

Oh I might smile thinking things are really swell
Or I might cry - trouble is you just can't tell
Cause I'm psychiatric now

So when I'd had enough of this
I went to a psychiatrist
I said I'm acting crazily
I think my mind is gone from me
He looked at me said I agree
You think you're nuts and seem to be
So he prescribed some pills for me
And I went to the pharmacy
I took them and I seemed to be just ... fine
There's just one little question on my mind.

Is it peace or is it Prozac
I don't care
No need to know that
When the moon is full and the world's too close
I just keep my smile and I up my dose

Is it peace or is it Prozac
Is this mellow, am I a maniac
Is my mind out there and can I get it back
Is it peace I feel or is it Prozac?"

is a South African girl living in South Africa. That doesn't sound very original, we know, but you might find it remotely interesting when you learn that she has only recently returned to South Africa for the first time after a nine year, one month and two week (non-stop!) stint in the United States where she accidentally became an outlawed alien (also known, especially in immigration circles, as an 'illegal immigrant.' We prefer the term 'outlawed alien' ourselves). During her reversed exile from her homeland, she kept herself occupied by winning this website (but only after shamelessly bribing the judges) and thus being unleashed on the web where she slowly, leisurely became the World's Laziest Blogger; by being a nanny and by attending sci-fi conventions in search of other aliens. In the US, she also made her sailing debut, her international acting debut, tried and failed to learn the piano, and never learned to cook. She is hopelessly addicted to coffee, dogs (especially Labrador Retrievers), how-to books (with a particular fondness for her copy of the Time/Life A - Z Medical Encyclopedia), and she tends to grossly overuse parentheses (we're not kidding) during her attempts at writing, which you may - if you really have masochistic tendencies - subject yourself to by reading the words to the right of this column. If you REALLY and truly STILL want to know more, you can read her C.V. here.
Or you can stalk her send her some love via e-mail at: redsaid[AT]gmail[DOT]com

The Wish List (Because yes, she really does need more how-to books. Honestly!)


  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Terra: YES! Wait... you didn't think that I would be this possessed to post for NO REASON, did ya???... [go]
  • Terra.Shield : OH! ... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: Be a bit like serving drinks at AA?... [go]
  • Marco Author Profile Page: I personally think it is a mindset that has been cultivated over the years, and one, if not stemmed,... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Ms. Crazy Cat Lady Pants!!! Squeeeee! Sooo good to see you! (I thought NO ONE was bothering to read ... [go]
  • Ms. Pants : Kitties don't get enough credit sometimes. (All times, if you ask me, but I'm a Crazy Cat Lady.)... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: Hey Tamara! I know, right?? That is a tough act to follow indeed. I adored that dentist. He used to ... [go]
  • Tamara Tipton : Well, I am not sure how any dentist could live up to that standard! LOL! I hope your appointment was... [go]
  • Redsaid Author Profile Page: I'm really really glad that I'm not the only one, Po! Sometimes I drive myself mad with all the what... [go]
  • Po : Those questions run through my heads for various times in my life too, that is for sure!... [go]
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