I just received hundreds of e-mails (okay, okay... two) to tell me that something is up with my comments again. Is it true? Tell me! Comment immedi... Oh, right. Please e-mail me if you are unable to comment.

Chances are, it's probably true though. A few weeks ago, my gracious hosts had to disable my comments because I was getting spammed by people offering to enlarge all sorts of things for me!

And not just the usual things. This time, they offered to enlarge body parts I didn't even know COULD be enlarged. Like my ears! Probably so I could hear the spammers better as they poured into my inbox? Or wear more earrings at once? Have elephant-sized ears to match the rest of me?

In fact, one spammer was keen to cover all possible bases: "Enlarge your enormous tits, arse, boobs, vagina, penis, lips, fingers, toes." (And of course, typing out all those words is probably going to attract a whole new breed of readership to this here lil' blog!) Or maybe he was just fed-up with his job.

Do you think spammers get fed-up with their jobs? Oh, right. You can't reply, so I guess that was a rhetorical question. If they do, it would at least be somewhat satisfying to us, their victims, to know that they loathe their jobs.

Imagine this. Spam Boss to Spammer: "I need you to send out at least 5 million of these today! Before lunch! Distribute them as evenly as possible between these seven blogs. But send this Redsaid person a few hundred thousand extra, because she doesn't seem to be using her blog all that much anyway. So we might as well invade it."

Spammer, thinks to himself: "Oh please don't tell me we are doing the rabbit porn links again! Those rabbits going at it just hurts my eyes. Why not Viagra or Methadone?"

See? A spammer who has our health and well-being in mind. So touching.

By the way, seems the hosts did indeed shut down my comments due to incessant spamming, again.

Here's the official word from hosting. Now can someone please tell me what this means in English and how much it will cost to do all the things they tell me to do? Because there's NO WAY I can do it by myself.

"The script was renamed after we noted quite a serious issue with spammers populating your comments. Their use of your comments was creating stability issues on the server, by posting hundreds and hundreds of comment attempts in a very short period of time. Abuse sent a note off via email to you, but it looks like you didn't receive it.

it isn't very clear which version of MT you're using, but if you're not using at least version 3.2 (My answer: MT 2.661), you should upgrade, as that version has more tools available to fight the spambags. In addition, you should rename the comment script to something other than mt-comments.cgi, since the spammers use automated scripts to just run a blog and post their junk. If you're not closing off older posts to comments, you should do that as well, as that will take care of some of it as well." (Oh, I do, dear hosts, I do. Manually. Every week. But somehow the buggers have figured out how to spam posts that are STILL IN DRAFT!)

And that's it. PLEASE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPP!