My first love was a comatose guy.

And no, in this case, 'comatose' is definitely not a euphemism for 'laid-back.'

I mean, the guy was in an actual coma! In hospital!

No, of course he wasn't always in a coma. He was fully conscious when he asked me out, I swear! (Although yes, probably not in his right mind.) Because, believe it or not, even the likes of me has standards. A guy has to be at least breathing and conscious before I'd agree to go out with him.

If he slips into a coma after just a few dates with me, well... that really can't be helped, can it?

But just between you and I? I think he did it deliberately. He always did have a thing for nurses.

Anyway, of course I didn't stop seeing him just because he was in a coma. Because trust me, even in a coma he had more personality than some of the other guys I had gone out with before.

Every day, I went to the hospital, sat by his bed and poured my heart out. It was great! I made all sorts of plans for the two of us and for him ("You are going to learn to cook for me. And I'm going to enroll you in singing lessons so that you can serenade me. Besides, the speech therapist said your vocal chords will need a bit of work after the tracheotomy!") and he couldn't contest any of it.

And since the doctors reassured me that comatose people still hear everything that is going on around them, I have to say that he was one of the best listeners ever.

But, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end: He regained consciousness. Him waking up was a major romance killer for me and so I let him off gently and wandered off to see if there were any other strapping young bachelours lying incapacitated in I.C.U., just dying for someone to have a chat with them and to hold their limp hands.

And so, with my incessant chatting, I believe I cured an entire ward of single, male, coma patients that year. I think they woke up just so that they could tell me to please SHUT! UUUUP!

Seriously though, dating a guy in a coma really ruined me for other relationships. Here's why: A guy in a coma doesn't ever complain about anything. A guy in a coma doesn't mind which channel the television is on. A guy in a coma can't accuse you of being a harlot when your gaze lingers a touch too long on that new young doctor who is treating him. It was very touching to see how his heart rate spiked whenever I spoke to him. I've since begun to insist that all guys get hooked up to EKGs when they're on a date with me so that I can make a run for it if their heart rates increase. I'll run because an increased heart rate, when someone is sitting down, can only mean a few things: either he is having a heart attack, or he is developing deep feelings for me - which will make him way too clingy for my liking.

I won't say I'm commitment phobic per se. Besides, they say it's a predominantly male condition. So maybe I'm just a bit weary of commitment. But hey, my mom always said that a girl always has to make a guy wonder a bit. So the last guy who was foolish enough to propose to me is still wondering what my answer is.

Am I the only girl who suffers from commitment weariness? (Darn, you'll have to answer me via e-mail, because the comments are STILL broken!) But come on girls, even those of you who desperately long for an engagement ring on your finger will have to agree with me: Sometimes having a three course meal with a certain guy is simply too much of a commitment.