April 04, 2007
Upheaval
Alphabet Soup

I'm going through a Major Life Change right now.

No, you beasts... it's NOT a super early onslaught of menopause! (WHADOYOUMEAN it won't be THAT super early?)

Although anyone who's been unfortunate enough to recently witness me and my hot flashes, my general grumpiness and my not-so-inexplicable weight gain in person would probably suspect at LEAST menopause. Or something worse. Like marriage! (Speaking of which, I've been proposed to! By HER! But even though I'm super flattered, I have to turn her down because a) Thanks to this, I'm commitment phobic
b) Despite suffering from such a decidedly male condition, I'm afraid that girls just don't do it for me, and
c) Even if girls DID do it for me, I'd still have to turn her down, because next to her slight frame, I'd look even larger and next to me, she'd look even skinnier and, since she despises her bones (how ungrateful, right? I'd swap her bones for my lard ANY day!), that's not anything that either of us would want. So even if we WERE to hook up, ours would have to be a clandestine affair. And discretion would never work because, well, we're bloggers!)

I'm knackered right now, but I promise to spill the beans about my Major Life Change in the next couple of days.

Redsaid | 12:38 AM