Eat your hearts out!

I've just returned from the Good Food and Wine Show at the Cape Town International Convention Centre, and it was every bit as delicious as you can possibly imagine.

Those of you who are familiar with my cooking skills (or miserable lack thereof) are surely yelling: “Culinary blasphemy, having a show of that calibre wasted on the likes of HER!”

Luckily, being able to cook is NOT a requirement for admission to the show!

My jaw hinges work just as expertly as those of any gourmet chef, see. And I should know. They, along with my taste buds, really earned their keep today!

(Is it possible to gain 30 pounds in a day?)

The day started off in the front row at a cooking demonstration led by Brit Celeb-chef (he cooks AND he is funny! Bonus!) Antony Worrell Thompson. I don't even remember what dish he demonstrated (I vaguely remember tuna being slapped around and unspeakable things happening to a late chicken), but I DO remember one of his quips:

Apparently, as a celebrated chef, he hardly ever gets invited to dinner parties. Shame.

In one of the rare instances that he had been invited, though, he remembers the evening as follows:

At 7:30 pm, arrives and is plied with drinks by host. Hostess, who is responsible for dinner preparation, is nowhere in sight.

8:30 pm. Still no sign of hostess. More drinks poured by increasingly more nervous host.

9:00 pm and he can't wait any longer. So he decides to go and lend a helping hand in the kitchen.

9:02 pm. Arrives in kitchen. Hostess not there! Oh, wait... he walks around the counter, sees hostess flat on the floor, empty wine bottle in hand, weeping.

And then he sees why. On the counter, an open cookbook... written by Gordon Ramsey!

*Drum roll! Rim Shot! Ha ha ha!*

He proceeded to crack several more jokes about 'his foe Ramsey'.

After the show, he graciously held a meet and greet and book signing. My sister, a huge fan and avid cookbook collection (let's put it this way: her sentiments about cookbooks run as passionately deep as mine do for how-to books), lugged all of his cookbooks from her collection to be signed.

In an irresistible moment, when we got to the front of the line, we said in unison: "It's such an HONOUR to meet you, Mr. RAMSEY!"

At which he grinned and gave us the finger.

The rest of the day we remained in a festive fantasy world, with exhibitors sticking their sample trays filled with the most divine delicacies under our noses, simply BEGGING us to have a taste.

(Yes, indeed. I've always fantasised about people begging me to eat. In my dream, though, it was because they thought I was so desperately skinny, and needed the fattening up. So what if I don't really have the protruding hip and cheek bones I sport in my fantasy not all of my fantasy came true in an accurate manner?)

I brought leftovers for everyone, but the dog ate it.

So instead, you'll have to be satisfied with this: (Warning: NOT for the real photographers among you! Please keep in mind that these were taken with a humble cell phone. By me. And if you think my cooking leaves a lot to be desired for..!)

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