So he stared into my eyes and slowly put his hand...

Oh, wait! Wrong story.

Let's take it from here:

He mumbled something. It was barely audible.

My heart sank. "Oh, no... please... PLEASE don't tell me you've just said what I thought I heard you say?" I pleaded.

But my ears had not deceived me after all, because he said:

"Sports. They're looking for a sports reporter."

(So yes, YOU were correct, even though you 'cheated' to get to the answer! Ha ha. Anyway, I TOLD you your guesses were much funnier! PLEASE don't shoot? Instead, feel free to throw me with pies. Cherry would be nice, but I actually prefer apple pie with cinnamon.)

Anyway, I felt like fainting on the spot. And here's why:

You see, dear reader, South Africa is a sports-crazed nation. The weather is fantastic year-round, so jocks can indulge all of their passions - from absailing to wrestling (is there even a sport that begins with the letter 'z'?) on any given day.

And they do. For 365 days a year (unless it's a leap year), golfers golf, wrestlers wrestle, runners run, archers arch and rhythmic gymnasts... have rhythm.

The rest of the time, like, when the athletes get tired from all their athletics, they get to watch other people be sporty.

And the most Hallowed of all the spectator sports is Rugby. It is similar to your football, but actually not at all, because rugby players don't get to wear helmets and retro shoulder pads and tight pants hugging their perfectly round little buns... oh, sorry! Got a bit carried away there.

Rugby players also don't get to stop and rest every thirty seconds like the football players seem to be able to do. Once the ball is in motion, rugby players run around almost non-stop for the duration of the game.

Oh, and another slight difference between rugby and football is that rugby teams actually have to play against teams from other COUNTRIES - you know, those places you can only go to when you have a passport? - before they get to call themselves world champions. But I really like that it's all about self-esteem building here in the United States, where your teams only have to win against teams from other U.S. cities to be called world champions.

Okay, end of digression.

Like I started to say somewhere up there, rugby in South Africa is SACRED, so I suspected that writing about it would be a monumental responsibility.

But really, I had no idea...

Okay, I hate to do this to you again, but I have to go and do something else. Something OFFLINE! What a concept! So instead of saving this in draft form and only posting it after I've finished writing the whole saga, I've decided to give you this unappetizing morsel. So yes, once again, to be continued...